If I ever get married...

I'm going to ask Hugh MacLeod to design my wedding invitations.


Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Some backtalk from the mute sky...*

I'd like to call this "View From my Office Window on a Rainy Day," but instead I'll share stream of consciousness because I forgot my socks (how one does that...) but my feet are always cold anyway, it might be my shoes or that we were listening to "Stairway to Heaven" that makes me feel like I'm in the 7th grade, my outfit matches the sky but not my mood, my hair is still damp and smells like someone else's shampoo, I'm nostalgic for the days when it didn't matter on what pillow I laid my head because I always wanted things to be different, different, different and now I just want them same, same, same.

*From "Black Rook in Rainy Weather," Sylvia Plath.

Dare for Colbert...

I was thrilled to pieces when I heard that Stephen Colbert would be running for President in his home state of South Carolina, because how could he say no to putting on a flirty skirt for the magazine I work for? We're based in his home town of Charleston, we love him, he's confident in his masculinity, he needs the female vote, we love him, he loves feminists, he probably wears a skirt around the house just for fun anyway, and did I already say that we love him?

If anyone out there has a friend of a friend who is friends with the person who gives Mr. Colbert his weekly mani/pedi, could you put him in touch with us please?

And please feel free to re-post this image to your blog (I'd be eternally grateful) with a link back to Skirt.com. If you do re-post, leave a comment and let me know!

I love Drugstore.com and I love candy...

Can anyone tell me what is wrong with this picture?

I was highly amused that adding diabetic testing supplies and a new meter (little! pink! easy!) would garner candy as a "great last minute idea." Usually the suggested impulse buys on Drugstore.com are geared toward your current or past purchases. This one says "Diabetics love to eat candy. Buy some candy!"

Hey, Drugstore.com? You know I love you, but trust me, if I had any extra space on my empty carbs dance card it would be filled up with Jack Daniels or icy cold Belvidere. And you'd have to wrap that awful scarf around my cold, dead throat in order for me to wear it. I'm diabetic, not crazy.

Things that I am today...

Disturbed by dark movie hangover: I watched both The King and Reign Over Me in one day this weekend. Both were good enough to get a Netflix 5 stars from me, but The King was disturbing enough to keep me fixated on it for a while.

Irritated with new Blogger design tools and my other web site in general. I had to take the graphics down because Blogger keeps screwing with the code. I don't mean to be all "I hate change" about it, but the old Blogger code was so much easier.

Tired because I woke up at 1:30 am because I had a (giant, malovent, Palmetto) bug ON MY ARM. Flinging it off woke me up, but hunting it down and killing it and leaving its carcass in the hall for the others to see and fear because I CANNOT GO TO SLEEP IF A BUG IS IN MY ROOM invoked an adrenalin rush that kept me awake until almost 3:30am. Insomniacs loooove 3:30am.

Optimistic that I'll meet my health goals for the year. I feel positive about this for the first time in a long time. And I'm not just saying that so this doesn't turn into a Bitch List.

Fortunate. I feel this way most days. And most days I have to remind myself.

Prosperous. Just puttin' it out there.

AND excited because Kris Carr is going to be on Oprah today (with my Current Very Favorite Person, Dr. Mehmet Oz). Kris's book was the first to come out under the Skirt! Books imprint (mine is the last one in 2007) and I'll ride those publicity coattails quite happily. Besides that, she's just an amazing person and has touched a lot of lives with her film and book. Today. 4 o'clock. Be there or be square.

Questions that have no answers...

How is it that my DSL can be on the fritz for two days straight, but two minutes after I finally break down and call Earthlink's help line in Pakistan it starts working again before I can even explain the problem? Is it magic? Is it a sign from the Universe that I need to switch to high-speed cable because my slow-ass DSL pisses me off at least once a week?

Why can't Britney Spears stay home for more than five minutes? I can hole up all weekend and I don't have her kind of cash. Certainly she can afford to send people out for what she needs and spend some time indoors and out of the flashbulbs. Why doesn't she do it?

Why do I care whether or not Britney stays home?

Why would I spend two hours at the Friends of the Library book sale and leave with 14 books (for just $8!) when I have a stack of unread books on my nightstand that is competing with the height of my table lamp?

Why can't I think of a good idea for a web site (hello, mediabistro...hello, youtube) and make 23 million or 1.65 billion dollars?

What happens in Savannah stays in Savannah...

Which is why I can't go into great detail about my most recent vacation. What I can tell you is that it involved four days in a gorgeous apartment off of Washington Square, lots of giggling, an extremely quick trip to Tybee (no offense to regular Tybee-goers, but y'all, it was yucky), shopping and some more shopping, walking, seafood eating, grilling steaks in our lovely courtyard, disco dancing at a CVS, and more shopping.


This is my favorite photo of my friends, taken at the beach on Tybee. As soon as I snapped the pic, we got the heck out of there as fast as we could (before someone tried to sell us weed and/or confederate flags).

I want to do a big, long post about how great my vacation was...

...but I'm eating a bag of little carrots for lunch and blind rage is preventing me from thinking about anything else.

Last night for dinner I wanted raw oysters, hot sauce and Saltine crackers. I ate hummus and baby spinach on sprouted wheat flatbread. After dinner, I wanted a piece of Boston cream pie. I ate half (half!) of an apple instead. I'm not even supposed to eat my daily breakfast of Kashi bar (140 calories, can I get a hell yeah) anymore. Why? Because Kashi bars do not grow on trees.

The government and stupid FDA and its f*cked up 1980s food pyramid ruined my life. When I was a kid, I survived solely on partially hydrogenated crap drenched in high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). Yes, I blame the FDA for my diabetes. Because if someone had told my mother that having Spaghetti-Os for dinner three nights a week is like eating poison, I'm (almost) positive that she wouldn't have opened a can. Or allowed us to eat fast food, ramen noodles, tomato soup (even the "healthy request" has HFCS), or Little Debbie anything.

Thanks for listening. I feel better now.