LIST: Things I don’t know how to do
Today's list is brought to you by the letter "E" for "elitist," the letter "A" for Aleigh and the long "u" sound in Humility.
Fix cars. Despite the auto body class my asshole father made me take, I can’t fix a car.
Math. I’m really bad at it. That includes calculus, logic, and basic algebra. And balancing my checkbook.
Throw pottery. Nope, never learned how.
Save lives. I’ve never taken a CPR class.
Grow plants. While it seems like something you could do accidentally, I have what they call a “black thumb.”
Flirt. I am socially awkward and I never recognize when someone flirts with me. I’m not a giggly-eyelash-batting kind of girl, so flirting feels fake even when I try it on. And people laugh at me when I do.
Clean fish. Or shrimp.
Animal grooming. Gotta pay someone else for that one.
There are about 30 other things I don't know how to do, like navigating a boat and acting in porn movies, but for time's sake I'm only listing realistic skills.