Monday, February 21, 2005

Episode 58: In which her world feels very small...
I was driving mindlessly home today, the way we do when we know the way, but sort of thinking at the same time how much time I spend inside my head instead of paying attention to what's going on around me. At that exact moment, I stopped at a red light, looked up, and saw this huge rainbow. For a second I couldn't breathe because I thought God could hear my thoughts and it freaked me the f*ck out.

Now that I've got that cat poster discourse off my chest, I'll balance it out with telling you what the saddest thing in the world is: A Precious Moments figurine, the one that hold its arms out wide and has "I wuv you this much" scripted on the base, on a shelf at the Goodwill. Think about it. Someone gave that big-headed little statue it to someone else in an earnest attempt to express love, but the recipient was so indifferent that it ended up in a donation box instead of the back of a closet where it belongs. I get teary just thinking about it.


  1. If anyone EVER gives me one of those f*cking Precious Moments figurines (that's $14) I will not only dump them, I will kill them on principle. That kind of madness must not be allowed to continue.

  2. Wow, I never thought anyone else would think about these kinds of things, but I too get very sad when I see those statues in thrift stores. Especially those beige plastic ones with big-eyed children with shaggy bangs saying things like “Number One Dad!” It really pulls at my heart. I always imagine the person who originally received it has died. So sad. While I wouldn’t express my love for someone else that way, obviously others do, and the gesture just seems so basic and simple and pure, and then BOOM – that love is gathering dust and for sale for 50 cents. Awful.

  3. But Kel, if someone were to give you an unfortunate gift like that, where would it end up?

    My grandmother gave me one of those things once, and now I'm sure it's either in someone else's home or in the trash (we yard-saled it).

    But I still love my grandma! Just not her taste in trinkets, I suppose.

  4. That IS sad! Much in the same way that the scariest thing in the world to me is the f#$king Cabbage Patch Kid that lives in my parents’ attic. When they first came out, my parents bought one for my two little sisters and one “because they’re going to be worth money someday” So that little dimple-faced demon has lived in it’s never opened box, never played with, and never loved. I’m sure it grows more and more evil with each passing day. TO THIS DAY I don’t like going in the attic because I know it’s waiting for me to find it. Cuz if I do, I’m going to open the box to let it know I like it and not to kill me.

    And that’s when I’ll get a fork in the eye.

  5. And with that, I vow to read you every day. You had me at "I Wuv You."

  6. I'm with Jemima on this one. Precious Moments figurines are part of the bible-banging mind-control game - they try to make you feel all emotional and mushy so you'll spend your money on them. They should all be tied securely in a large plastic bag full of cotton candy and flung from a plane somewhere over Guam.


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