Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I used to think...
people who followed fad diets like Atkins and South Beach were sheep. Now that I have been eating no sugar/low carb myself (sans the grease-laden meat products the good dead Dr. Atkins recommended), my disdain has matured into full-blown contempt.

Admittedly, I'm proud that I have endured this punishment for the past four-almost-five months, but I haven't been pleasant about it. When I catch myself going into way too much detail talking to people about what I eat (they ask), the sound of my own voice makes me want to check myself into a treatment center and take my meals intravenously.

How do people live like this? If I eat one more chicken breast, I'm going to get mad chicken disease. I can't stomach another green vegetable. Salad is my enemy. I have nightmares about being trapped like a piece of fruit suspended in sugar-free jello. I worry about what consuming a pound or more of Splenda a week is doing to my body.

I miss Three Musketeer bars. I miss Jelly Bellies (don't even suggest the sugar free version; they taste like shiny crap nuggets). And don't get me started on how much I miss a frosty-cold vodka martini.

Before I piss the universe off, let me add how grateful I am to be healthy and to have the option of getting well by changing my eating habits. Not everyone is so fortunate. I just wish I could find something I love as much as I once loved the chocolate pudding at Hominy Grill...or Maker's Mark...or coconut shrimp. Because no-sugar-added ice cream doesn't even come close.


  1. Gross. Are you allowed to eat cheese? My neighbor is on the South Beach thing and not only can she not eat cheese (the very idea gives me the vapors) but eating an apple is CHEATING! WTF? I don't think I could take more than two weeks of any of this sort of torture.
    Right now I'm on the Marathon Diet, which means I will eat whatever holds still long enough. (Poor A.S.) I can't wait until I no longer have to think of "carbing up," and "protein combos," and "super-hydrating." Snore.
    So has it worked? Are your collar bones protruding, and are your cheekbones poking people in their jealous eyes?

  2. I gather you're doing this for health reasons? Surely only a madwoman would give up sugar for vanity's sake alone.

    Poor thing.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...