Tuesday, May 16, 2006

"If you're gonna eat mat, you eat mat hard."

Since I can never get back the 103 minutes I spent watching this piece of crap last night, I feel obligated to warn the rest of the world. I'm not going to tell you whose idea it was (Michael's), but Michael and I went to see Stick It. Before you say that I was just asking for it, you should know that it was written and directed by the woman who wrote Bring it On, one of the Greatest Movies of All Time, so I thought it was a sure thing. It wasn't.

Here's the lowdown from IMDB:
After a run-in with the law, Haley Graham (Missy Peregrym) is forced to return to the world from which she fled some years ago. Enrolled in an elite gymnastics program run by the legendary Burt Vickerman (Jeff Bridges), Haley's rebellious attitude gives way to something that just might be called team spirit.

Here's my synopsis:
OOH! A GIRL on a DIRT BIKE?!? What a stunt! But she's really a gymnast...a REBEL gymnast with a REBELLIOUS ATTITUDE. Here's some stupid girls who hate her (we know they're stupid because they misuse words), here's how she wins them over, here's how much of a REBEL she is. Oh, and here's some old dude who got injured like a million years ago and (ooh!) he's a HARDASS...with a heart of gold. Wait, why is she such a REBEL? Because her parents...(pause for dramatic effect)...got DIVORCED. How traumatic. Nothing happens, nothing happens, some gymnastics, nothing happens, heartwarming crap, movie over. I'm crying because I'm happy it's over. Michael is crying because I just told him they don't have a 30-and-over age class at gymnastics school. The one other person in the theater is crying because she missed the last half of the movie while she was chatting on her cellphone.

The funniest part was before the movie even started when Michael convinced me that they ran the "please turn off your cell phone" promo three times because the guy in the projection booth could see me typing on my Blackberry. At first I was like, "NUH-uh!" but then the promo played AGAIN and Michael said, "see? It's YOU, put it away." I put it away.

The only other thing I can say is that this movie was supposed to be good. I can't imagine what happened, but I'm SUPER disappointed, y'all. This one's going in the bargain bin right next to From Justin to Kelly.


  1. Well, you might hate me a little bit for admitting this, but...I liked it. A lot.

    A whole HELL OF A LOT more than Bring It On, by the way, which I thought was a bunch of crappy plot lines and dialogue strung together by fun stunts and cheering.

    (Perhaps this is because I like gymnastics a lot more than cheerleading?)

  2. Aleigh, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you.

    Go Toros!

  3. Kelly, you are being a cheer-tator!
    Where the hell are my spanky pants?

  4. Whatever. Breakdancing on the beam is soooo much cooler.

  5. ahhhh. I'm disappointed. I loved "Bring It On" and the trailer for "Stick It" made it look kinda funny.
    Well, at least you didn't spend your time seeing "Poisedon". Let's just say people were laughing and I was praying a shark would come and eat them when they finally made it to the liferaft that was so conveniently waiting in the ocean at the exact point they made it off the ship. ARGH!
    By the way, not my choice for movie night.

  6. shut up i was totally traumautized by my parents divorce. it was the worse thing that ever happened to me.

  7. I'm bitchin', great hair, The boys all love to stare, I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not, I'm pretty, I'm cool, I dominate the school, Who am I? Just guess, Guys wanna touch my chest, I'm rockin', I smile, And many think I'm vile, I'm flyin', I jump,You can look but don't you hump, Whoo I'm major, I roar, I swear I'm not a whore, We cheer and we lead, We act like we're on speed, You hate us 'cause we're beautiful, Well we don't like you either, We're cheerleaders, We are cheerleaders.

  8. That movie was so bad it should have been named "SUCK IT." HA hahahaha!

  9. Michael, I'm outing you as one of the anon posters. I wish you could have done that comment in audio. Now I know who has the spanky pants!

  10. I'm soooo disappointed to hear that this movie sucks since I was actually kind of psyched to see it. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now about teen flicks. I've forced friends to sit through "On The Line" (that's right, starring Lance Bass from N'Sync - we should have been tipped off when we were the ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE THEATRE!)and "The Prince & Me" (always now known as "The Prince IN Me" by my friends - and I think I spotted a sequel at Blockbuster the other day - scary!). The "Bring It On" and "Mean Girls" (few & far between though they are) keep me coming back for more!

  11. Couldn't have been worse than "Jarhead", whose only redeeming moment was an attempted masturbation.

    (you know you're gonna watch it now)


    - M

  12. Marcheline, I just added Jarhead to my Netflix list. Awesome.

  13. To understand the humour of Stick It you need to have some kind of intellect, which, clearly, you are lacking. If you prefer to sit around like a braindead asshole watching a movie about stereotypical cheerleaders with an obvious ending and absolutly no meaning, cool. But we dont want to hear about it. Oh and im not heaps old or anything, I'm fourteen.


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