This lovely card by talented artist Janice Taylor, along with my desktop stash of Nicorette, pretty much sums up my day.
Universe, I have changed my f*cking life. I take the horse-pill vitamins every day. I walk, ride my bike, and lift weights. I have a 10-lb hand weight sitting on my desk RIGHT NOW. And I use it. I no longer drink alcohol or soda, eat refined sugar, pork, saturated fats, white rice, pasta, corn syrup, or fast food. The last time I had unprotected sex was years ago while in a committed relationship. I've never used IV drugs. I wear my seatbelt WHILE driving defensively. I laugh a lot. I eat an apple or apple-equivalent once a day. I choose my friends wisely. I keep stress to a minimum. I never go to sleep with makeup on. My RealAge is probably around 25. Additionally, I now like Mondays, quite possibly because I'm no longer on Day Two of my three-day hangover. I'm nice to people. I haven't made anyone cry intentionally in SO, so (so!) long.
So, yeaahhhh, if you could do me one teeny little favor? Either 1) create a wonder pill to kill nicotine addiction in 24-hours and make it never come back or 2) have a bunch of scientists discover that smoking isn't bad for you after all, I'd appreciate it. Alternately, since you are The Universe, you could also go back in time to the girl's bathroom, 1989, when one of the cool girls accused me of not inhaling and I was all like, "I do too!" even though I didn't and then I did and I became a for-real smoker that day after I threw up. Go back to then, take the cigarette out of my hand, knock my head into the stall door, and tell me to never, ever do that again.
Thanks for the Nicorette, though. I think it's prevented a few homicides. And it makes me never want to eat, which on one hand is great and on the other makes it really hard to choke down those six meals a day. Someone suggested smoking weed to offset that problem, but I think that would be counterproductive, don't you?
p.s. Nice job with the weather this weekend. Having one night to sleep with the windows open IN JULY was most excellent.