Wednesday, January 10, 2007

One of us might have been drinking...or not.

I spent the better part of the weekend acting like a five-year-old with my friend Charlie. At one point on Saturday night, I called my mother (who is a shrink) for assistance.

Me: Mom, do cats give people schizophrenia?
Mom: What?
Mom: Who told you that?
Me: My friend Charlie.
Mom: (sounds disgusted) No, cats cannot give people schizophrenia.
Me: Are you sure?
Mom: They don't know what causes it for sure, but I think we can definitely rule out viral transmission. And cats.
Me: Charlie is SUCH a liar. I almost believed him.
Charlie-in-the-background: Kelly is SUCH a b*tch. Look it up online!
Mom: Does he need a referral?
Me: No, we're good.
Mom: Are you drinking?
Me: I'M not.

And that was pretty much that. Except after Charlie went home, I Googled it and apparently there is a theory that cats can give you a virus that causes brain lesions that cause schizophrenia. A crackpot theory, but a theory nonetheless.

I guess I need to break the news to my mom so she can pass it on to her cat-owning patients. And maybe apologize to my friend for being an asshole.


  1. See, I knew there was a reason I don't own cats. I would babysit Miss Kitty and dress her in pink sweaters, but there is now a medical reason for being Crazy Cat Lady.

  2. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha!

    OMG...I laughed for a solid three minutes on this one. Is there anything sweeter than the tast of vindication?

    You crazy.

  3. Yeah, I was going to add that the research is from that ONE GUY who is probably schizophrenic himself, but didn't want to increase my asshole quotient for the weekend.

    My mom still wants to know what the f*ck that was all about. I think she thinks I'm paranoid about catching a mental illness from my cat and that Charlie is a made up person.

  4. Yeah, it is a stupid and weird theory. However, I love it because I'm not a cat person and the thought of cats giving someone schizophrenia is delicious.

    Plus, your mom has got to think that was the most random thing ever and it's what makes it so gooood.


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