Saturday, March 05, 2005

By request: The only martini worth drinking
I usually don't give up my perfect vodka martini recipe to anyone unless they plan on making them for ME, but since Erin, who rocks out old school style, asked so nicely, I'm making an exception.

1. You gotta have to have the good vodka: Belvedere. If all you have is Stoli, don't bother. In a crunch (or in a Belvedere-less bar), Grey Goose will do.
2. Keep your martini glasses in the freezer. If you don't have space, throw out all of those freaking Lean Cuisines and MAKE room. Frozen dinners suck ass anyway.
3. Don't pour the vermouth into the shaker. Pour a little into the glass, swirl it around, then pour the excess down the drain.
4. There are people who will tell you that the only way to make a martini is stirred, not shaken. Don't listen to them. They also drink light beer and frozen banana daiquiris. Own a martini shaker, preferable a sturdy metal one.
5. Crushed ice. If you don't have it, put ice in a Ziploc, wrap in a dishtowel, and pound the crap out of it with a hammer. Or get one of these.
6. Fill shaker halfway with crushed ice, 2 jiggers vodka, and a splash of olive juice. If you like a really dirty martini, squish an olive and throw that in too. Note: Don't buy those crappy little olives on the pickle aisle. Get the big giant ones they keep on the shelf with the mixers. They're called "martini olives" for a reason.
7. Secure shaker lid tightly and shake it like a Polaroid picture. Shake it hard, for like five minutes or until your arm gives out.
8. Strain into glass, add as many olives as you can stand (I like to skewer them on a cocktail pick). It should be so cold it has little ice chips floating in it.
There it is...your perfect martini. If anyone would like to volunteer to come by my house every day at 6:30 (p.m. - the cocktail hour, people!) and practice, I'll be happy to supervise while you make my martinis. As a bonus, I will be witty and droll for as long as it takes me to drink two.


  1. Sweet Daddy William10:17 PM, March 07, 2005

    I'm there, baby! You just tell me the date and location, and I'll play Sir-Mix-a-Lot to your drunk ass. I have lots of mixing experience because I was a bartender for 12 years so I know what I'm doing, if you get my drift. Ha ha.

  2. Um, yeah, I get your drift...if your drift is that you're a career bartender. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    And I'll have you know that it takes more than 2 martinis to make my ass drunk. Cocktail hour is intended to be a period of relaxation for us civilized folks, not drunken merriment for people who still use "party" as a verb, Sir Chode-a-Lot.

  3. You might like a cocktail with vodka but it's not a martini. Martinis, by definition (the American Standard Martini Definition circa 1966), are made with gin and vermouth. The amounts can be argued about -- and they are constantly -- but the ingredients are for certain. I like a good vodka cocktail, but it isn't a martini, no matter how many you drink.

    Mr. Suave's Daily Cocktail


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