Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Episode #83: In which she reveals too much about her social phobia
Yes, I'm a (sort of) social phobic. No, I'm not on medication for it. Yes, it's mostly because people bore me. No, I don't plan on doing anything about it.

AND because I wrote all about it in this month's issue of Skirt!, I've had a few friends ask me if I think they are boring small-talkers. For the record, I said no. But it does make me wonder why they immediately assumed I was talking about them.

I think my social phobia would go away if people would made an effort to be more entertaining, interesting, and talk more about things I specifically care about. Like my cat. And Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. And why deer and not deers is the plural of deer. And why the religious right seem to be taking over the country (smart people breed fewer offspring?). And any book that's not on a bestseller list.

People should talk less about the things that make me want to stab myself with a fork. Like what my husband does for a living (I don't have one, and if I did, who the f*ck cares what he does?). What her husband does for a living (trouble with your own identity, sweetie?). Or their neighbor's friend's cousin's college roommate who just started her own line of jewelry/handbags/baby blankets. Or their most recent enlightening experience with yoga/pilates/high colonics. And finally, no childbirth talk around child-free women. If I even think you said "mucus plug," I'm outta there.

7 comments:

  1. Mucus plugs? Jesus. I feel sick.

    Can I talk to you about my foot? What if I send you pictures? What about ass hole Republicans? Ass holes in general?

    Maybe you only like conversations that are about you. I know I prefer them that way. About me, that is, not you. Snort.
    -Jem

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  2. Good lord I am sooo happy that my three pregnant friends all go in the corner of the room and whisper about the gross mystical things that happen when you're pregnant! They are so good to me...they say, "Leave the room M, you'll never have babies if you hear this!" And they are soo right, I caught a whisper of what they were talking about...and wham! I was out the door!

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  3. Childbirth is the wonderful affirmation of the miracle of life...but only when viewed in the abstract. The reality of childbirth is sweaty, long, and painful. I've seen it up close three times now, and each time was messier than the last.

    I think the reason babies are so cute is to have women forget what it took to make one, so they'll have another.

    And Kelly, if you do one thing this year...switch to Haloscan.

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  4. There goes BR shilling for Haloscan again!

    I've actually been pretty happy with Blogger comments lately (although now that I've posted this, they're certain to suck).

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  5. I think we were separated at birth.

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  6. Mucus plug. Blech. I can't believe people get all medical about pregnancies. I'm okay with feeling like I came from target, or the stork or whatever. Just not somewhere that sounds like it needs a big tissue.

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  7. Pregnancy is the condition where an alien life form takes over your body for nine months. The reason women do it again is because they're SOOOO damn cute when they finally emerge.

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