I’ve never done that. I would never do that. And shame on you for suggesting it.
About three years ago, my friend Al taught me how to play the “Never Have I Ever” drinking game. For someone who prefers to keep a little distance between my spotty past and the Perfect Me I am today, it’s not a stellar idea to get me intoxicated and entice me to tell the truth, albeit in a discombobulated way. I think I might have been the only one on the planet over 20 and under 30 years old who hadn’t played Never Have I Ever before. And even before I slammed five margaritas, the rules confused me. I might have even ‘fessed up to things that I didn’t actually do.
Regardless, Al and I are still friends. Because she’s smart and nice and funny and not because she knows things about me that could ruin my life should they be made public.
Shall we? You know the drill. Grab the beverage of your choice (or a shot glass and bottle of anything over 90 proof if you’re not a weenus) and play along.
Never have I ever...
* Wanted to backhand someone just for saying “um” one too many times.
* “Accidentally” lost someone’s email because I didn’t feel like responding.
* Pretended to like children because daddy is a hottie, or felt my heart leap with joy when I found out he only sees them every other weekend.
* Lied to someone I was in love with.
* Kissed a friend’s boyfriend.
* Left an event and pretended I had another to go to, when I really just wanted to get home in time to watch something on television.
Your turn. You wouldn’t let me drink alone, would you?
Reading your post brought to mind a particular "Never have I ever" session from happy hour glory days of yore at which the participants kept correcting me; they claimed it to be "I never"... whatever.
ReplyDeleteI can already see the look of disbelief on your fair face when I recount the chaos and NAME the person who claimed to enjoy lighting pubic hair on fire.
So, when are we hitting Raval?
(I'm laughing so hard, I just snorted. HA!)
Dear god, I hope I'm not the one who claimed to enjoy LIGHTING PUBIC HAIR. I swear I don't remember that AT ALL.
ReplyDeleteAnd why are you posting anonymously? Now I'm worried that you aren't who I think you are and wondering who else I've played that game with...
Well first off I had to drink at every one of those so now I'm buzzed. And I can't possibly come up with a 'never have i ever' that wouldn't get us both in trouble. :)
ReplyDeleteI have one for you, C...
ReplyDeleteHow about:
"Never have I ever drunkenly peed off the dock at Fountain Walk during a Dining With Friends soiree with 300 people watching?"
never have i said "i am going to crap my pants if you don't make me stop laughing."
ReplyDelete1 other thought - never have i left a dramatic performance because i was uncomfortable with little people.
I will admit it: I found out a LOT about you and a select few others that night. And it was great.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm really glad that no one admitted to enjoying lighting pubic hair on fire (GAWD) that night.
OH CRAP...I have peed off a dock at a charity event with 300 people watching. Drink again. See why I hate this game?
ReplyDelete