Microfamous

Last week by the numbers...
Erin's "Charleston by the numbers" last week inspired me to post a rundown of my own numbers (is "borrowing without asking" the same thing as "stealing?" I have no point of reference).

* The number of people who found my site by searching for “Tom Cruise”: 13

* How many found my site by searching for “smoke pot”: 3

* Number of times I almost had a nervous breakdown in a grocery store because EVERYTHING HAS CARBS: 3

* Number of times I sat in a bar wishing I could drink, watching other people drink, or daydreaming about the fun I used to have when I used to drink: 2

* Number of times I almost wet my pants because I had to wait for the bathroom to de-stinkify before being able to enter: 2

* How many times I wondered why everyone can’t train themselves to do that at home: 3

* Number of times I said, “I can’t take the freaking heat anymore”: 17

* Number of times I really felt like I was going to expire from heat exhaustion: 2

* Number of times I fell to my knees and thanked the gods for giving us air conditioning: 25

* Number of times I paused The Notebook when Erin was over because someone said “Go git Jeeter,” setting off giggling hysterics, even during the sad parts: 4

NOTE: If I thought it would be funny to anyone else, I would explain "Jeeter." But it isn't. So I won't.