Friday, September 02, 2005

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat!?!?
I didn't eat red meat from 1992 through 2002 (I wasn't vegan, I ate fish and dairy). In high school, after my second bout of mono, I saw this flaky crystal-wearing holistic nutritionist who suggested I give up meat because it was "bad for my blood type." Honestly, it wasn't hard. And the longer I went without it, the easier it was. Occasionally I missed the drive-thru (especially my late-night friend, Whopper), but it was no big deal.

What ended my embargo: One night, after drinking eight vodka martinis, I accidentally ate bacon. And it was so good, I wanted to kick my own ass for frittering away 10 years of my life bacon-free.

I was at the BK drive-thru the next morning the second they stopped serving breakfast and bought my first Whopper in 10 years. It was the best Whopper I will ever have. I even got Michael take a photo of me eating it (no, you'll never see that photo).

I don't eat fast food anymore (a year and counting since the last drive thru burger). I eat a lot of chicken and fish. Occasionally a good steak. Or a medium rare brasserie burger from Rue de Jean. It's no Whopper, but since trans fats are the devil (just try to eat fast food after watching Super-Size Me...)

I stopped eating the meat because the meat is bad for my health, not because I hate that the poor animals have to be slaughtered to make the meat. I'm not a member of PETA, nor do I want to make friends with Bessie or Wilbur down on the farm. Despite my lack of agricultural empathy, sometimes now when I eat meat, I wonder what the cow or pig's name was and what he was thinking before he got his head smashed in.

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?' I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."
~Homer Simpson


  1. Here's something that really disturbs me: When restaurants have the animal they serve as their logo.

    Barbecue restaurants with the logo of a smiling, humanized pig with a bib and knife and fork? That's just wrong. I don't want to see that smiling piggy right before I go in and eat his brothers and sisters.

    Not to mention the idea of a pig EATING pig! The cannibalism!

  2. blog ennui, kelly?


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