Friday, December 23, 2005

Busy McProductive the holiday bitch elf gets much done...
In just the past week, I have managed to:

Finish the scarf I started knitting three months ago for my sister Kristin. It's gorgeous, if I do say so myself.

Locate a source of quality (dry), legal (not stolen) firewood and stock up so my 12 days of Christmas can be accompanied by a blazing fire. And also so the cat won't try to suffocate me in my sleep for not making fires every night.

Buy annual monkey t-shirt (black with white writing, as white tees are so gauche) for roommate in time to send him off to his family in Charlotte.

Procure gifts for five nieces, one nephew, a brother-in-law, three sisters, one sister's girlfriend, a mother, my favorite editor bitches, and the cat. *Did I already mention I did this in ONE WEEK?

Get the annual holiday crying jag out of the way before Christmas Day. I did it last week during a particularly emotional episode of Family Guy (warning: riotously hilarious video and sound). Or It's Christmas, Charlie Brown...can't remember which.

Stuff envelopes with thank you money for my postman, cleaning lady, thai food delivery driver, the UPS guy, and my dealer bikini waxer.

Not flip anyone off on the road, even the dickwad who almost rear-ended me at Earthfare yesterday because his fat ass was in SUCH a hurry to get to the Krispy Kreme.

I overflow with the spirit of the season. Seriously, I'm positively dripping with good cheer.

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