Microfamous

The llama is my spirit animal...
I've always had a thing for llamas. When I started playing guitar and singing in public (I did it a lot in my early 20s; I only play at home now) it was at a coffee shop called Eleven Llamas. A friend gave me a toy llama as a congratulatory gift for making it through a set without throwing up. Then my sister Katie gave me a brass llama herd. Now I have two dozen or so llamas, stuffed, clay, metal, and photographed.

If you've ever met someone whose house looks like an owl or pig invasion, it probably began with a single owl or pig. I'm glad my thing is llamas, as they're too hard to find for me to get them as gifts very often. My last llama gift came from Michael, who got it at a zoo somewhere in the midwest. It looked a lot like this one before the Dog That Went to Live on a Farm decided to make it his friend.

I am like the llama in the following ways:
* I can easily carry 20 to 30% of my body weight.
* I enjoy a good dust pile.
* One should never verbally threaten a llama.
* If I lay my ears back and make a high pitched rhythmic sound, you should run.
* I can spit with amazing accuracy and won't hesitate to do so if threatened.
* I will use spitting to settle an argument if necessary.
* I have a natural guarding instinct and require no training to guard sheep.
* I am instinctively wary of any animal in the dog family.
* I hum when I am happy.

There are many llama characteristics I do not have - such as producing useful wool, using a dung pile instead of a toilet, or feet with only two toes. I think one day, when I am very old, I will live on a farm with a few sheep, some chickens, and a guard llama named Guillermo.