Monday, September 11, 2006

Some things we will never forget...

Like where you were when it happened, how you heard, who you were with, what you did. Every anniversary, one year, three years, five, you will remember these things. And hopefully, you will remember how it made you feel and act, how you planned on making changes, how you wanted to be a better person, live more, stop being afraid. Hopefully you will remember those things too.

Five years ago today...
When I heard for the first time I was in my car, listening to NPR. I was on my way to work at a newspaper. I heard "plane" and "New York" and "World Trade Center." I remember thinking that it must have been an accident, then watching the TV in the conference room and realizing that it wasn't, feeling like the world was ending, and wondering where they'd hit next. And then I went to Vickery's and drank a lot of vodka in the middle of the day until I had to leave because some people were yelling at the television and the person I was with kept wanting to talk terrorism and politics and all I could think about are those people, those buildings, and how now I don't have to wonder what I would do if I found out the world was ending because I really thought it was on that day and the only thing I didn't want was to be sober for it. Some people I worked with went home to be with husbands or wives or boyfriends or girlfriends or parents or children. I remember some commentator on CNN saying that we should be with the people we love right now and I remember thinking I didn't love anyone enough to want to be with them right then. The person I was with would not have been my first choice with whom to spend my last day on earth. So I got drunk instead, at some point switched from vodka to tequila and sat at my house with the poor substitute watching the news until Michael came home and then I went upstairs and passed out and dreamed about fire and falling and not being able to breathe and being alone. When I woke up the next morning, the world was still there.

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