Friday, March 02, 2007

I eat caution for breakfast…

A friend recently told me that I should stop putting warning labels on myself. He said I enter new relationships with clauses, footnotes, and sidebars full of messages that all seem to say, “Enter at your own risk.”

This is what I do now:
I am not easy to get along with. I am not a morning person. I have a quick temper. I sometimes say spiteful things to people I really care about. I do not suffer fools gladly. Sometimes I feel like I’m held together with filament and wax and all it takes is hearing Verve Pipe song on the radio and I’m guilt stricken sobbing with my head on the floor. I end relationships for no reason. A lot of people think I’m a bitch. I don’t want to change. In short: If this doesn’t work, you can’t say you didn’t know what you’re getting into. Be afraid.

What I should say:
I laugh a lot. I am smart. I am kind. I am generous to a fault. None of my friends think I’m a bitch. I’m fun and I like to stay up late. I make up words and catch phrases. I am open to new things. I move on easily. I have a poor short-term memory, therefore I seldom hold grudges. I do not own a dishwasher because I like to sing while washing dishes. I am quick. I don’t cry a lot. I am financially independent. In short: I’m a catch.

It’s all in the way we think about ourselves, isn’t it?


  1. I'm sorry that you might take my following comment as totally unrelated, esp. b/c i originally was going to comment that "suffer fools gladly" is one of my favorite idioms.

    Anywho - i noticed your "navel-gazing" tag and had to comment b/c yesterday's word of the day was a new one for me. "omphaloskepsis", meaning: contemplation of one's navel. Sorry for the tangent.

  2. I heart you, K. Lo. I'd marry you and have, like, 10,000 of your babies. And then, when your book gets published and you're wildly rich and famous, you can buy me a yacht and I'll heart you even more.

  3. Why is it so much easier to tell people what is wrong with us instead of what is right?

    Having said that, I quite like the idea of having an actual warning sign for those days when I just don't want to deal with certain people. I might laminate myself a 'Back Off Bitch' sign ready for work tomorrow.

  4. I eat Quaker oatmeal for breakfast. It comes in little packets and all I have to do is add hot water.

    Cinnamon and spice is my favorite.


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