Friday, April 18, 2008

If this week was musical theater...

The production's poster would have a picture of me sitting up in bed in the dark with a digital clock that says "3:42 am."

There would be a song called "don't let the bastards get you down" and one called "you're going to have dreams about that particular ex forever." The dramatic monologue would relate to not changing to please anyone (if I could get the rights I'd also use the song "Don't Go Changin'" by Billy Joel but I would remix it into a disco version) and I'd be wearing sky blue underwear during the entire production and that would mean something to be analyzed later by a college drama class.

There would be a character playing Freud (with beautifully resonant singing voice) who would explain to my character via song that I should not pull a Frances Farmer and get an icepick lobotomy just so the ex won't keep re-appearing in my subconscious and ruining what could have been a very decent night's sleep. Because the ex doesn't stand for the ex, he stands for something else that I'd like to change about my life right now. Freud is crazy smart.

The dream sequence would not have an actual person playing my ex, but instead he will be played by a series of spotlights and a disembodied voice. Hillary Clinton makes an appearance (played by Amy Poehler) to explain that some relationships are based on love and trust and others are business arrangements. My character agrees with this, but only because she is currently reading The Fountainhead ("yes, Ms. Clinton, he was the Roark to my Dominique...").

The song at the end would be something gorgeous sung by Jennifer Holliday (yeah, I said Holliday and NOT Hudson because I want the original Dream Girl). And everyone will cry as they leave the theater, but mostly because they're happy that everything turned out OK.


  1. When you post things like this, I fall in love with you all over again.

  2. It has been a long wordless pause, no? And now I am tearfully leaving the theater...

    Thank you for the inspiration!


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