Wednesday, May 03, 2006

In another life, I was Queen of the Trailer Park...

Nothing against trailers as a low-cost housing alternative, but being raised middle-class and in military housing meant that I never had the opportunity to get my White Trash Girl on. But I know she's in here somewhere.

Case in point: Sitting on the couch last night in cut-off denim shorts (they're from high school and I only wear them because they fit and never out of the house), eating Saltines out of a box (the wheat kind), hair in a scrunchy (I only have them to put my hair up to wash my face), watching VH-1 reruns of Hogan Knows Best, I caught myself thinking, "wrestling kicks ass, y'all" followed immediately by, "dang, a PBR would taste good right about now." If I still drank, I might have finished off a cold 40 and passed out on the couch with a lit cigarette in my hand. In another life, my third husband might be referred to as "Tater Salad," I'd drive a Chevelle SS Malibu with no side windows and a broken taillight, and my best dishes would still have K-Mart price stickers on the back.

Just call me Queen Lerlene of the Airstream on the right.


  1. Yeah, but were you wearing a tube top with those cut-offs? Was the cig a Virginia Slim Menthol? How many appliances are in your front yard? How many rusted out cars out back? Proper stage setting is important too.

  2. I knew something was missing...though I was wearing a tank top with paint on it, a tube top would have made the ensemble complete.

  3. How many articles of clothing had been bedazzled?

  4. You will also need a big navaho blanket or one with a unicorn on it to drape over your couch and cover up the baby barf stains, something airbrushed that you purchased at the state fair, and would a mullet be out of the question?

  5. In my world, EVERYTHING is bedazzled! But nothing I had on at the time.

    A mullet is 100% out of the question, either on my head or in view. Even the cool hipster "ironic" ones. Ugh.

  6. Ssshhh....I actually do own the Airstream and am trying to figure out if I can sneak it into my back yard in Charleston. We can pull out that awning....


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