Wednesday, May 03, 2006

In another life, I was Queen of the Trailer Park...

Nothing against trailers as a low-cost housing alternative, but being raised middle-class and in military housing meant that I never had the opportunity to get my White Trash Girl on. But I know she's in here somewhere.

Case in point: Sitting on the couch last night in cut-off denim shorts (they're from high school and I only wear them because they fit and never out of the house), eating Saltines out of a box (the wheat kind), hair in a scrunchy (I only have them to put my hair up to wash my face), watching VH-1 reruns of Hogan Knows Best, I caught myself thinking, "wrestling kicks ass, y'all" followed immediately by, "dang, a PBR would taste good right about now." If I still drank, I might have finished off a cold 40 and passed out on the couch with a lit cigarette in my hand. In another life, my third husband might be referred to as "Tater Salad," I'd drive a Chevelle SS Malibu with no side windows and a broken taillight, and my best dishes would still have K-Mart price stickers on the back.

Just call me Queen Lerlene of the Airstream on the right.

6 comments:

  1. Yeah, but were you wearing a tube top with those cut-offs? Was the cig a Virginia Slim Menthol? How many appliances are in your front yard? How many rusted out cars out back? Proper stage setting is important too.

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  2. I knew something was missing...though I was wearing a tank top with paint on it, a tube top would have made the ensemble complete.

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  3. How many articles of clothing had been bedazzled?

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  4. You will also need a big navaho blanket or one with a unicorn on it to drape over your couch and cover up the baby barf stains, something airbrushed that you purchased at the state fair, and would a mullet be out of the question?

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  5. In my world, EVERYTHING is bedazzled! But nothing I had on at the time.

    A mullet is 100% out of the question, either on my head or in view. Even the cool hipster "ironic" ones. Ugh.

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  6. Ssshhh....I actually do own the Airstream and am trying to figure out if I can sneak it into my back yard in Charleston. We can pull out that awning....

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