The microfamous effect...

The name for this blog came from the title of an essay I wrote about being "microfamous," or having minor name recognition in a small-ish town. I've had strangers come up to me at parties and ask if my family still speaks to me (because of things I've written about), letters and emails attempting to convince me that having children is god's way (after I wrote a piece about not wanting my own), and random encounters with people who know way too much about me because I have an inherent need to expose myself and those around me to criticism. Despite what some may believe, I don't write because I want to be famous. It's a bit anomalous that writing is a solitary occupation. We're always hanging back, listening, but since we're writing about our own lives, we grow accustomed to our family members speaking in whispers when they don't want what they say to be used as material. We expose our own darkest secrets. And we've been dumped by boyfriends who didn't want their lives to be open books. But we wouldn't have it any other way. And with that, this...

Reasons why I would not want to be a celebrity:
1. The horror of seeing my mug shot from a teensy little misdemeanor in high school (that has since been expunged from my permanent record) on TheSmokingGun.com.
2. Having to hang out with shallow, vapid people. I already want to run away screaming when people I actually care about start talking about celeb crap.
3. Being photographed while exercising. I don't look pretty when I sweat.
4. About 95% of the time, celebrity gossip bores the living crap out of me. I stopped watching E! and reading about celebrities online last year and I don't miss it.
5. I already have ex-whatevers, people I used to work with, and former college friends track me down and email me because they want something (or maybe not). My philosophy on that: If I still wanted to hang out, we'd still be hanging out.
6. I lose a few lbs now, all I get is a new wardrobe and friends who tell me how great I look. If I was a celebrity, there would be message boards discussing my "eating disorder" and whether or not I'm taking veterinary medication to rid myself of body fat.
7. I can't stand people who are famous, but who are not talented. I like musicians (with talent), actors (with talent), and writers (with talent). Being famous for nothing is a waste of valuable space that could be occupied by someone interesting.
8. Name dropping irks me.
9. Botox. It freaks me out when I talk to someone and they have no facial expression or their upper lip doesn't move.
10. I think being famous for an extended period of time (Tom Cruise), or even a short burst of fame (Sebastian Bach), makes you slowly go insane. By the time you're crazy enough for anyone to be straight with you about it, you're too crazy to care anymore.

Perhaps I was born too late. I think I would have enjoyed a bit of fame in the 1930s, 40s or 50s. A literary, Henry Miller, Anais Nin, Zelda Fitzgerald, Dorothy Parker, vicious circle kind of fame. I think the only one who would enjoy today's celebrity garbage is Truman Capote. He did love a good scandal. And maybe Tennessee Williams, though all of his beautiful belles are long gone.

Off to find my cigarette holder and opera gloves...