
Now that I'm back in Austin, I feel invigorated, less homesick, stocked up on the family love, comforted, and so grateful that I was able to spend so much time with them. It snowed, giant fluffy flakes, the day after Christmas...like magic. I slept every single night I was there like I haven't in a year...going to bed after midnight and waking up at 7am ready to go. Why don't I sleep like that in Austin? I've been waking up earlier than usual since I've gotten back and don't want to sleep until noon, but I also wake up a lot at night here. Is it the quiet in Charleston versus living on a fairly busy street across from a bus stop in Austin? Or was it being back with family and feeling safe? After a year in Austin, I think I've done a pretty good job of getting myself into a safe space. And now I have new memories of being back home to lull myself to sleep.
It's hard being away, but I realize how much has changed in a year. I've made friends in Austin. I love this city. It's not where my family is, but they're not as far away as it felt they were a month ago. And yes, I drove - 2 days each way - and it didn't kill me. The massage I got on Sunday after I returned helped, and so did the audio books that kept me entertained on the road. But something else is different: Now I know I can come home, even though things have changed in all of our lives, what I love the most doesn't change. As soon as I arrived and my mother gave me a great big "mom hug," I knew I was home and that home will always be there - no matter where I end up.
Yes, I'm rambling a bit, but I also promised above-mentioned writer friend that I'd blog more, blog more honestly, write even when I don't want to, write about things I don't want to write about, and get back to the "old Kelly Love." The one (thank you, Angie!), who is "the sh*t."
I feel so lucky to have the friends and family I have. I don't know many people who would pick the family members they've been assigned, but I would. If my sisters and nieces weren't already related to me, I'd love them anyway. And on top of that, I have some amazing friends. The simple version of what I'm trying to say in way too many words: I feel loved. And if feels great.
I wish I would have gotten the chance to see you! I'm glad you got to visit Charleston and that your trip was so lovely.
ReplyDeleteMe too! I figured you would be in Charlotte, otherwise I would have loved to meet up. Promise I'll be home again sooner than a year next time.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog Kelly. After my annual family reunion/fishing trip every year I feel "stocked-up on family love" too. It's such a nice feeling.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed our time together so much. I'm not sure I'd be where I am in my life (a good place) without crossing paths with people like you. I discovered something similar on my journey... I have this back of my mind fear of falling off the map, that if I'm out of sight people will forget about me. I'll somehow stop being the sh*t. I'm glad you realized that's not true. And, I don't know what it is either, but I still sleep better at my Moms house than anywhere else. xoxo
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