What I do when I'm not here...

Not as much as you'd think. I went to a comedy festival last month and wrote about it for The Austinot. Actually, I turned a review of the festival into a weird observation about comedians and mental illness and why I like comedians.

I read a lot of books over a long holiday weekend. I would list them here, but I can't remember all. Here are some:

Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald by Therese Anne Fowler (so good)

The Middlesteins: A Novel by Jami Attenberg (also good, heartbreakingly so...)

The Writing Life by Annie Dillard (my third or fourth re-read)

American Wife: A Novel by Curtis Sittenfeld (it's been on my list foreverrrr and she has a new one coming soon)

I am leaving off books I began and stopped reading because I lost interest. I never used to to do that; I really felt the need to finish a book even if it was bad, but now I feel like life is too short to waste time hoping something will magically get better. Also I add books to my Kindle wish list faster than I can read them. 

Watched a lot of television. It seems counter-intuitive, but I read almost as much as I watch TV. I watched the entire fourth season of Arrested Development. It was fun. I liked it. I'm not a critic. It broke my streak of binge-watching everything in the category of TV Shows That Have Been Canceled Even Though They Are Really Fucking Good. Like Fringe. And Alphas. And Touch (actually I'm cool with this one if Keifer is going back to the world of 24; also never really want to hear him say "Jake" or "sweetheart" a thousand times every episode again).

What else? I had brunch a couple of times. Dim sum. Sat on my back deck and watched a monster thunderstorm with big rain and hail one Friday night. Canceled my Match.com membership (see also: life is too short to waste time hoping something will magically get better) . Watched my adorable neighbors' adorable cats while they did adorable things in Switzerland (and brought me chocolate because they are...adorable). Sent my mom chocolate-covered strawberries. Went to the dermatologist expecting to have things removed and had nothing to be removed (see also: developed crush on my dermatologist). Went to the farmer's market in the rain and returned home with fresh peaches and pruney feet. Had some really good dreams.

There's more in my navel to be examined. I miss you.

We call it "veggie casserole..."

...but there's nothing healthy about it. About 10 years ago (maybe more...) I started making "veggie casserole" for Thanksgiving. It was a hit and became my annual contribution, along with sweet potatoes and spinach dip in a bread bowl. Since I've already missed one Thanksgiving with family and will miss the second with them this week, I've gotten requests for my casserole recipe from my nieces, Lauren and Keri. I originally made it from a recipe I found in the Charleston Unitarian Church cookbook and it was called "company casserole." It morphed into "that vegetable stuff with crackers on top" to "Ritz cracker casserole" to simply "veggie casserole." And I can't remember ever having more than a spoonful left over.


In case you're looking for another yummy side dish that you can make last minute, here is the recipe verbatim as I sent it via email to my nieces:

(you can double this recipe - I usually did so I could make a big one)

1 can french style green beans, drained
1 can shoe peg corn, drained
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 cup sliced mushrooms
salt & pepper
1 sleeve Ritz crackers, crushed
1 stick butter, melted

Mix all ingredients except crackers, a little bit of the grated cheese, and butter. Pour into casserole dish. Top with crushed crackers, the rest of the grated cheese, and melted butter. Bake 45 minutes at 350 degrees.

I always chopped the celery and onion pretty fine so there weren't any big pieces. And when I doubled the recipe (which means 2 of everything on the list), I still only used ONE stick of butter on top because the butter is really just so the crackers would brown. The year I used 2 sticks of butter the casserole was really soggy and kind of not good. You can also leave out the sliced mushrooms if you don't like them and sub cream of celery soup for cream of mushroom, but I think most people liked the mushrooms. Don't used canned mushrooms - you can buy the fresh already sliced if you want, but the canned mushrooms taste like crap.

I love you, I miss you, I wish I could be there with you. My heart will be.

Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?

Linus: "Tonight the Great Pumpkin will rise out of the pumpkin patch. He flies through the air and brings toys to all the children of the world."

Sally: "That's a good story."

I will dress my dog in her bee costume, hand out the cute little boxes of temporary tattoos (CVS!) for the kidlets, watch a marathon of American Horror Story on FX and wait for the Great Pumpkin to arrive.

Happy Halloween!

Vacation, all I never wanted...

I've never been great about taking vacations, especially as a freelancer when every hour is a potentially billable one. Over the past year - actually since moving to Austin in early 2010 - work-life balance has been one of my priorities.

This holiday weekend, I'm not headed on a jaunt to the islands, to a cabin in the mountains, or on my dream Alaskan cruise (whale-watching!), but I am disconnecting from work and work-related marketing tasks for the weekend. I have a great stack of books to read, my air conditioning works really well, I plan on taking lots of naps (had a good one this afternoon, falling asleep on the couch with a book open on my chest), getting some things in my house in order, re-organizing my home office space, maybe doing some housekeeping on my own personal sites (not really work-related, but I know that one is a stretch), taking the dog to a dog park for some running around and ball-throwing, and sleeping until my furbaby wakes me up instead of the alarm.

Right now, this is the vacation I need: taking my brain to a new creative space, writing for personal gratification instead of professional gain, taking my body outside for some people-watching and dog-bonding, exploring a few parts of the city I haven't seen yet (yes, I've been here a while but there's lots to see in Austin), and reading for pleasure instead of research.

I might even break out the Moleskine and colored pens and do some actual handwriting (can't remember the last time I went there, but my Moleskine dated pages says it's been too long). And I'm charging my camera now in case I feel like wandering around and snapping a few pictures of this crazy city in which I live, maybe find some interesting things off the beaten path, strike up some conversations with strangers, re-set my internal clock. It's not the Caribbean, but it's what I need now - and bonus: it's all here in a 10-mile radius.

I hope you're getting out - of town or in - and doing some exciting things this holiday weekend. And I haven't forgotten why we have a three-day weekend and plan on including some thoughts on gratitude and respect for the brave people who have sacrificed so much to make our country a better place (you can't see it, but I'm waving a tiny American flag right now). For those of you spending the weekend with your families, be grateful. I'm thinking about mine far away right now after having a marathon phone conversation tonight with my older sister, who I know will have the family over for a barbecue on Monday and I'm going to miss out on the chaos and laughter.

Love you, mean it.

Best. Christmas. Ever.

I don't want to start this off by saying I have a small case of the post-holiday, missing my family blues. But there I went. I wanted to start off by saying I got to spend an amazing 10 days with friends and family back in Charleston after being away for a whole year - the longest I've gone without seeing my mom, sisters, nieces, nephew, and friends from Charleston. It took me less than a day to sink into the familiar comfort of home, curled up on mom's couch while she cooked something fabulous in the kitchen (poached eggs with fresh spinach and hollandaise for dinner? Yum.), hugging my sisters and nieces and my BFF Mary Kathryn, staying up late at night talking to my mom, shopping with my sister Katie and MK (always expeditions in hilariousness), lunch with my writer friend Angie that came with some nice inspiration, meeting my almost-6-month-old niece and namesake (Jolie Love) for the first time and getting to pinch her chubby little cheeks in person, feeling so much love surrounded my family and extended family and friends, it spoiled me just a tiny bit.

Now that I'm back in Austin, I feel invigorated, less homesick, stocked up on the family love, comforted, and so grateful that I was able to spend so much time with them. It snowed, giant fluffy flakes, the day after Christmas...like magic. I slept every single night I was there like I haven't in a year...going to bed after midnight and waking up at 7am ready to go. Why don't I sleep like that in Austin? I've been waking up earlier than usual since I've gotten back and don't want to sleep until noon, but I also wake up a lot at night here. Is it the quiet in Charleston versus living on a fairly busy street across from a bus stop in Austin? Or was it being back with family and feeling safe? After a year in Austin, I think I've done a pretty good job of getting myself into a safe space. And now I have new memories of being back home to lull myself to sleep.

It's hard being away, but I realize how much has changed in a year. I've made friends in Austin. I love this city. It's not where my family is, but they're not as far away as it felt they were a month ago. And yes, I drove - 2 days each way - and it didn't kill me. The massage I got on Sunday after I returned helped, and so did the audio books that kept me entertained on the road. But something else is different: Now I know I can come home, even though things have changed in all of our lives, what I love the most doesn't change. As soon as I arrived and my mother gave me a great big "mom hug," I knew I was home and that home will always be there - no matter where I end up.

Yes, I'm rambling a bit, but I also promised above-mentioned writer friend that I'd blog more, blog more honestly, write even when I don't want to, write about things I don't want to write about, and get back to the "old Kelly Love." The one (thank you, Angie!), who is "the sh*t."

I feel so lucky to have the friends and family I have. I don't know many people who would pick the family members they've been assigned, but I would. If my sisters and nieces weren't already related to me, I'd love them anyway. And on top of that, I have some amazing friends. The simple version of what I'm trying to say in way too many words: I feel loved. And if feels great.

The most wonderful time of the year...

Even though I've decided not to decorate for the holidays this year and I miss my pink aluminum sparkly tree festooned with disco balls, it's for a good reason. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go home for the holidays this year. I've been looking for a new day job, have been crazy busy with freelance work, and didn't book a flight to Charleston a month ago when airfares were just expensive, as opposed to ridiculously expensive (a flight right now would cost as much as my monthly rent).

But I've recently decided to make the trip home - yes, the 20-hour drive each way from Austin to Charleston - so I can spend Christmas with the family. I have an adorable new niece (and namesake...Jolie Love) that I haven't even met yet, I've been in Austin almost a year and haven't seen my family in that long (with the exception of a brief visit from my niece Amanda this summer), and since I'm going to drive and not fly, I can take the dog with me. Because I've been in practical mode for the past couple of months, I thought it might be easier if I stayed in Austin for the holidays, continue my job search for a new dream job in publishing, and wait until Southwest comes to CHS International at the end of March when airfares will drop by half to visit. But I've had some good interviews - one in particular for a job that I think would be perfect - and with technology being what it is, there's no reason for me to anchor myself here so I don't miss a day's freelance work.

I've done my best to get into the holiday spirit here, including spending Thanksgiving with a wonderful group of friends, taking a drive down to Zilker Park for the tree lighting, another drive down 37th Street to see the lovely lights, and watching A Charlie Brown Christmas with a fire in the fireplace and a cup of hot cocoa. But nothing compares to family time for the holidays and being with my mom, sisters, nieces, and friends back home is the best gift I can think of.

I can't wait. I'm already picking out the audio books to download to make that 20-hour drive bearable!

Must we go through this every year?

One of my older sisters called me last night to invite me to her annual Fourth of July backyard BBQ. A little background: My two older sisters are from my mother's first marriage and their father was of American Indian and/or Italian descent. Therefore, my sisters have olive skin, dark hair, and tan easily. Ten years later, my mother married an Irishman and ended up with two extremely pale third and fourth daughters. My sister and I have the same conversation every year in early July:

My sister: So we're going to be grilling burgers and dogs.
Me: I no longer eat red meat. But how about if I bring some chicken?
Sister: Seriously?
Me: Veggie burgers?
Sister: Not on MY grill.
Me: I like mom's potato salad.
Sister: Bring your bathing suit - we just had the pool cleaned!
Me: Have you met me?
Sister: Just saying...we got new rafts!
Me: I haven't owned a bathing suit in 10 years. And I don't go in the sun. You know how you and Kristin make jokes about me looking like Wednesday Adams with red hair?
Sister: I thought we made jokes about you being flat-assed.
Me: That too.
Sister: And flat-chested. And remember before you got braces when we used to call you Bucky Beaver?
Me: Yeah, that was hysterical.
Sister: At least you finally got boobs. ANYWAY...just put on some sunblock! And bring your suit.
Me (giving up): OK.

Even though they don't care if I get skin cancer and believe that I am pale by choice and I think olive-skinned people enjoy lording their sun worshipping over those of us who are melanin-deficient, I love my family. And I will go to the cookout. I'm just going to bring a giant parasol, a long-sleeved tee, and 60SPF - but not my bathing suit that doesn't exist. And yes, at least I finally got boobs.

Must stay away from mall...

This is my third attempt this week at posting something that doesn't make me sound like a grinch. I really do love the holidays, I'm just feeling a bit inundated. Overwhelmed. Holiday-ed out, and I haven't really done any shopping yet. It's the commercials, the Muzak, the decorations that have been up since Halloween, the non-stop screeching of "deck the halls" and "favorite things" from holiday carol CDs in the office, the "buy buy buy" TV commercials and inane news stories about making your own gifts or recycling gifts or buying better gifts on the morning programs.

And all of that does sound a bit grinchly, does it not? I do not want to stand in line, spend too much, shop until I drop, or enjoy great! holiday! savings! I don't want a last minute deal. I don't want to know what the rules of regifting are.

I really just want to hang out with my sisters and nieces and do family things. I want to make the chicken liver spread my sister Katie loves and sit on a fat couch with my fat nephew on my fat lap. I want to ride on my sister Karen's girlfriend's motorcycle until I can't feel my face because of the cold. I want to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th Street" with my niece Keri. I want to sing with my sister Kristin in our cartoon voices until the cat freaks out and hides. I want to start a "who's going to cry?" family betting pool.

I'm going to enjoy the hell out of my time off this year.

Summertime and the living is easy...

And I can't seem to catch the holiday spirit when it's almost 80 degrees outside. I haven't even put up the sparkly pink tree yet. I love living in Charleston, but I thought we had a deal: I only have to suffer through the heat three months out of the year.

I have a few holiday soirees to go to this weekend and I'm hoping I'll get inspired to drag out the tree and its disco balls. Either that, or I'll just drag in a pine branch from the side of the road, throw some ribbon on it, and have a Charlie Brown Christmas.

And tonight we (by we, I mean me and all the cool women I work with) will be at Muse Restaurant & Wine Bar for a "Sip With Skirt!" December event. 5-7, $20 at the door, and I promise to be entertaining for exactly two hours or until my Xanax wears off. Hope to see you there!