THIS is what a feminist looks like...

This was taken a few years ago, but I wanted to share it again today because I was re-inspired by the Feminist Majority Foundation's new video, "This is What a Feminist Looks Like." A great way to close out Women's History Month.

Watch it here.

I'm back, Jack....

(for those of you wondering, "Jack" is my imaginary friend who misses me when I'm gone)

Back from five days of travel and happy to be home (though it was a lot of fun). My return on Saturday was a little hairy because of weather. Tornadoes in the south and I had my head on my knees on a flight from Knoxville to Charlotte silently chanting "there's no place like home, there's no place like home." When I arrived in Charlotte, all the flights were grounded. No hotel rooms available. The airport looked like a third world country. I could have gone standby on a flight in the morning, but the US Air rep told me it was a 40-seater and they already had several standing by. Soooo....I rented a car and drove back to Charleston in the middle of the night on Saturday. With a nun from Pittsburgh. I'm not kidding. It's a long story and I think I'm actually going to save it for my next essay, but it was nice to be able to give a Sister a ride.

I'll be posting pics from the events last week and updates on new events here.

Hittin' the road, Jack...

Nicotine gum: check.

Xanax for flight: check.

Favorite pen for book signing: check.

I'm hitting the road this afternoon for readings and book signings in Columbia (Thursday) and Knoxville (Saturday). You can keep up with me and my mini-book tour (more Charleston events are lined up this month!) here.

The finger, in perspective...

This is my finger. It represents the following things:

a) OPI's "Aphrodite's Pink Nightie" nail polish.

b) my frustration with polish that looks vastly different in the bottle than it does on my nails.

c) my recent preoccupation with frivolous things like nail polish and shoes, which is a survival mechanism resulting from the More Important Things I'd rather not be thinking about right now.

It should be called "Aphrodite's Pink Nightmare" and I wish I'd followed my instincts and taken it off this morning before I came to work because it makes me feel frumpy every time I look at my hands. This is a side of me that I do not like. I don't want to care about my appearance, but I do. I'd rather use the part of my brain that likes a good manicure to concentrate on things like politics, current events, literature, and work. Instead, I am irritated that I have ugly pink nails. I have male friends who obsess about hair products, clothing, and shoes more than I do, so I know it's not a girl thing. I think it is an obsessive-compulsive thing (like not being able to wear the color brown). Regardless, there it is, in all its frosty-pink ugliness.

On whose nails would this color look good? Britney Spears, maybe. That old tan lady from "There's Something About Mary" would love it. I used to work with a woman who wore suits this color. She would love it.

Are you listening?

I am.

Oklahoma House Rep. Sally Kern stands by the statements she made in an audio clip posted online last week by the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund. Supposedly, as she states in the beginning, she isn't "anti or gay-bashing," then she launches into a lengthy anti-gay tirade. The oddest thing, being that she is college-educated (I checked), is this statement: "Studies show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than a few decades." Um, what? Is she talking about ROME? Sodom and Gomorrah? A few decades? Are there studies on this? Very. Perplexed.

At first I wondered why this woman wasn't being run out of office, but then I remembered that I live in a state that elected Jim DeMint (R-SC) after his statement that "openly gay individuals and single mothers should not teach in public," among other things.

Watch the video here and tell them that you're listening too.

Food porn...

All of these things are off limits to me, but in the same way I watch Food Network and No Reservations on the Travel Channel (I actually do have totally non-food-related hots for Tony Bourdain), I've found myself perusing some of the yummy offerings on the web lately and imagining what it would be like just to go all crazy and eat them.

Like fresh sticky buns from William Sonoma. Pastry chef Jean-Yves Charon makes them, you just pop them in the oven. And eat them.

The food equivalent of S&M: Galaxy Desserts' Chocolate Lava Cake. Damn.

Jack and I are no longer friends and the alcohol/sugar combo might send me into insulin shock, I still like to think about breaking out a fork for Tipsy Cake soaked in Jack Daniels. Hey, I'm a southern gal. I can't help that I (used to) like my desserts with a whiskey chaser.

I think it's sort of like being in a monogamous relationship. You can look; you just can't touch. I eat things like a single square of dark chocolate or some fruit when I have a craving for sweets, but that doesn't mean I can't drool over butter-and-sugar-based dessert items. The temptation is there, but whether or not you act on it is the test of character. Speaking of temptation, I think a new episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives might be on this week. I still daydream about that one episode where Guy battered and deep-fried a whole hamburger at Dyer's Burgers in Memphis.

Behold the deep-fried hamburger. Yum.

Bitch is the new black...

Tired and unfunny...

I'm supposed to be finishing my essay for the April issue of Skirt! - the humor issue. Researching: "absorbed twin," "teratoma," and "hypochondria." You don't want more details than that, trust me. If I can make some funny today, you'll get to read all about it in the April issue. But I ran out of funny around 8 o'clock this morning. It might have something to do with only getting six hours of sleep because I stayed up way late last night switching between news stations until the early hours of morning.

My candidate is "in it to win it!" Go Hillary!