Despite the fact that I am actively pursuing positivity (i.e. not hanging out with people who bring me down, not listening to the little voice in my head that worries all the time, not reading sad books or listening to any of my numerous sad songs playlists), I just had to let some of the negativity loose. My top 10 list of things that piss me off:
1. People who keep sending me DC-based political job listings. I was communications director for one congressional campaign and, while I did a really good job for my candidate, I chose to work for the campaign because of the candidate and her positions, not because I had a dream to one day work for low wages in politics. I love you, but please stop with the DC job listing email forwards. I don't want to move to DC, especially not for 50K a year.
2. The chatty guy who works behind the counter at CVS who thinks it is appropriate to tell me I look tired, that I look that I've had a long day, etc. He's done it three times already. I work from home. Some days that means I don't wear makeup. I also have to walk my dog, which means I am often sweaty, covered in sunscreen, and wearing a ball cap to hide dirty hair. Also, I am over 30 and an insomniac, so I frequently suffer from puffy eye syndrome. None of this is CVS guy's business. And it doesn't make my day. Also? I never hear him say things like that to men. Don't comment on my appearance unless you think I look fantastic.
3. The former friend I haven't spoken to in five years sending me a friend request through Facebook (no note, just the friend request). There are better ways to get in touch after time has passed and this is not one of them. My email address has been the same since 1997. My cell number has been the same since 2000.
4. People who keep asking me to do shit for free, like they believe since I'm working from home I have all this time on my hands. I don't mind giving advice, volunteering, etc., but I do have a limit. And really my pet peeve here isn't doing something pro bono, it's the lack of reciprocity. I have literally reached out for help to people for whom I have bent over backwards for years for, and was left with my hand outstretched and not even a kind word. I could give you some fine examples, but would rather not name names. Instead, I will share my Note from the Universe that I received this morning:
"There will always be people in your life, Kelly Love, who hold you back, who cost you too much, and who fail to see all you've done for them. But, of course, they're just there to teach you that you do have time, that you'll always be rich, and that your own high standards are all that matter."
5. People who keep trying to engage me in conversation about things in celebrity gossip magazines. I do not care about those people with a bunch of kids, octo-mom or whatever her name is, anyone from The Hills, Housewives of Whatever, or reality television in general. I realize these are like crack to some people and that's just fine. I don't want to hear about them. The only reality shows I watch are on the Food Network , Animal Planet, and the Travel Channel. If that makes me a TV snob, so be it.
6. My douchebag neighbor who keeps parking his douchey boat and douchey truck on the side street of my house. It wouldn't be so bad if his douchey boat didn't LEAK GASOLINE INTO MY YARD. Also? I had four of my OTHER neighbors knock on my door to ask me if it was MY boat (seriously?!) because they were pissed about the gasoline smell. Someone called DHEC on him. It might have been me. If it wasn't me, I wish I'd thought of it.
7. Random neighbors (including douchey boat guy's girlfriend) stopping by to ask (a) if I have wi-fi and (b) if I will give them my password. One even offered me $20 a month to ride my wireless internet access. Wow - I pay $65 a month for internet access and you want to give me $20 a month to slow it down? No thanks and you have very large balls just for asking. My standard response is "I don't feel comfortable with that" (and then I raise an eyebrow to make my "and I don't care if you think I'm a bitch" face).
8. Some effed up show on the History Channel called "Life After People" I accidentally watched while flipping channels during a bout of insomnia. Dude, I am neurotic enough on my own. I ended up taking a Xanax at 3am just to be able to get back to sleep after watching just 10 minutes of this show. And I still can't get the images of feral dogs rummaging through cities out of my head.
9. People who respond to my listing on Roommates.com that are either complete freaks or arrange a time to meet and never show up or call me back. And the ones who are surprised that I'm actually "interviewing" potential roommates. Just trying to weed out the racists, homophobes, rednecks, and serial killers. I don't think that's too much to ask.
10. People who murder in the name of religion. I worry that Dr. Tiller's murder might indicate a return to some of the anti-choice violence we saw in the early and mid-90s. Also, it's been a long time since I've been to church, but I'm pretty sure "thou shalt not kill" is still included in the Ten Commandments. Some of the discourse and reporting about Tiller's murder scares me.
With all of this, let me add some positive things:
* My BFF and I came up with a great idea for a book that we're going to work on together - no details until I have a contract, but it's a good one.
* I noticed that one of my neighbors listens to books on CD when she's working in her yard, so I stopped by and gave her Tom Perrotta's Little Children on CD that I've had forever. She returned it the following week with some lovely chocolate pound cake.
* I have season 4 of Weeds on DVD.
* I'm as busy as I want to be.
* I have some really great friends who can make me laugh even when I am in a funk.
*Song by Rufus & Chaka Khan
Now it's your turn to help me on my quest for living a positive and balanced life. Tell me something good. Tell me that you love me. Tell me what you do love (even if it's celebrity gossip...I'll forgive you). Post a link to some good news. Tell me you're the one who called DHEC on my douchey neighbor. Tell me how great I look without makeup and with puffy eyes. Give me the name brand of sunscreen 60SPF or higher that won't make me look like I've rolled in Crisco. Just tell me.