It's not like I have anything better to do...
Two words: Jury duty. Might be there all week. Not happy about it. I don't handle boredom well.

On a positive note, at least I work for a company who will give me the time off and not dock my salary. There were people selected whose employers are not paying them while they are serving. Jurors get $10 a day plus mileage. If I lost a week's salary, I'd be f*cked. And I don't have kids to feed. No wonder so many people try to get out of it.

I can't say anything about the case while serving, not even if it is civil, criminal, or otherwise. What I can say: (1) Local government would save a sh*tload of money if they would keep their auto heat & air set lower than SEVENTY-FOUR DEGREES, (2) people are gross...if I saw one person hack something into a tissue, I saw ten of them do it (note to self: bring protective face mask next time), and (3) bailiffs, for the most part, are a happy bunch of workers. I think they're all retired security or police, but they must love the crap out of their jobs because they're the most cheerful government employees I've ever met.

Guess who rode her new bicycle to work today?
That would be ME. And if you know me, you should be proud because I am (1) extraordinarily lazy and (2) not up for morning activity EVER. But there I was, cruising on down the street, doing the beauty queen wave (wrist wrist hand, wrist wrist hand...) to the sanitation workers as I passed the garbage truck, pedaling like a pro on the street next to cars that were moving. This is a big step for me. Also:

* My bike basket is the perfect size for my work bag and a bottle of water.
* I can't smoke and ride the bike at the same time.
* It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.
* No one honked their horn at me.
* It didn't take as long as I thought it would.
* I didn't get run over.
* I need a rearview mirror. And streamers for the handlebars.

and

* A little exercise in the morning didn't kill me after all. I'm actually in a better mood than usual.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls...
Someday, I am going to create a web site full of facts about myself modeled after Chuck Norris Facts. The first fact will be "Kelly Love gets fan mail from Chuck Norris." Followed by:

* Kelly Love goes where angels fear to tread.
* Kelly Love can shoot out the eye of a small rodent with deadly accuracy.
* It is rumored that Kelly Love's real biological father is Elvis Presley.
* A photo of Kelly Love's legs is on file at the International Museum of The Most Beautiful Body Parts Ever.
* So many men have dumped their girlfriends for Kelly Love that, in the medical community, heartsickness is referred to as "The Kelly Love Disease."
* Kelly Love is the subject of numerous documentaries, both authorized and unauthorized.
* It doesn't matter who the woman next to you is or what she looks like. Kelly Love is prettier, smarter, and a thousand times more interesting.
* Kelly Love has x-ray vision.
* When people have a difficult decision to make, they ask themselves, "what would Kelly Love do?"
* Kelly Love's breasts are so perky, she has to have her bras custom-made.
* Some people believe that Kelly Love is a mythological creature.

When your muse is MIA, drastic action may be required...
I write approximately 5,000 words a month for work (including one essay) and edit about four times that. When you spend your days reading and writing, and your "hobbies" include reading and writing, it can be difficult to come up with bright ideas. Instead of hunting the muse down and clipping her wings, I try to coax her back in a benevolent fashion. Where I'm going for inspiration these days:

For writing, the Poynter Institute always has good ideas. Today I like the collected 50 Tools for Writing on LifeHack.org.

For altered art, Karen Michel's Altered Imagery blog inspires me. I love her art journals.

When I'm feeling crafty, ThriftDeluxe always has something good. I'm thinking knitted leg warmers might be my next big project.

I'm not a graphic designer, but I love design magazines like How Design. More designer ideas here (I particularly like the idea about creating an inspiration board. I think everyone should make one.).

And for the online equivalent of a creative kick in the pants, MusetoMuse, Creativity Portal, and Soapbox Girls.

"I would especially like to recourt the Muse of Poetry, who ran off with the mailman four years ago, and drops me only a scribbled postcard from time to time."
~John Updike

Expecting the obligatory bitter I'm-single-therefore-I-hate-Valentine's Day post?
You won't get that here. Not from me. Not today.


I have the same shoes as my one-year-old nephew.
I have them on right now.
We are matching.
My heart is full.