Vacation, all I ever wanted...

I had a wonderful Christmas, but have to admit that my vacation (which began Dec 22 officially, and ends Jan. 2) is the best present I got, followed closely by season 5 of Northern Exposure on DVD (thanks, Monkey!) and the Family Guy video game for PS2 (thanks, Keri!). Speaking of monkeys, Blogger ate my last post about helper monkeys and ponies in the form of an email exchange and I'm just too lazy to rewrite it now. But The Biffle and Alison used helper monkeys as a comedic Christmas theme, so you can get your giggle on there.

Besides the usual holiday-ness, I'm spending my vacation getting caught up on things that I don't have time to do when I'm working. Such as paying my car taxes (two months late) so I'm legal now after spending two hours at treasurer's office and DMV, spending the gift certificates I got for Christmas, car tune up, stocking up on firewood, cleaning house (especially after having 10-plus people over for xmas dinner), and coloring my hair (chocolate cherry). I'm also using this week to work on my book so I can meet my first deadline (in January) for an annotated chapter outline and about 5,000 words in the form of chapters. Everything has been finalized - contract signed - and my book will be finished by the end of March to be out by fall of 2007. I get such a kick out of little things, like how the standard friends and family question, "how's the writing going?" has changed to "how's the book coming along?" When I deposited my advance check, I wanted to jump up and down and tell the bank teller (yes, at the drive through) that the check was for MY BOOK. I didn't, but I wanted to.

To answer the obvious: the book is coming along fine. I'm loving every minute of working on it, even the research, even the editing. It's a topic I could talk about endlessly (women and work) and I also get to be funny.

I think 2007 is going to be a very good year.

Things I wish I didn't know...

Williams Sonoma sells handmade marshmallows. These are not "regular" marshmallows. They are vastly superior to the kind you get in a bag at the supermarket. They are so good they will make you hate all other marshmallows, past and future, and wish that you had never seen a jar of "Fluff."

What's on TV at 3 or 4am. (Family Guy, ATHF, Green Acres, Godzilla's Revenge...)

There is such a thing as "anime porn" (it's just what it sounds like and no, I won't be linking to any). Gross.

What Flavor Flav likes in a woman. I'm never going to get back those hours wasted in front of VH-1 "CelebReality" shows. Again, gross.

That fans of Clay Aiken are called "Claymates" and they get really (really) angry if anyone suggests he might be gay.

The soullessness of The Real World. Before Real World San Francisco, the only Puck I'd ever heard of was Robin Goodfellow (from A Midsummer Night's Dream) because it was also my mom's dog's name.

What Britney's cookie looks like. Damn the Internet and its poorly identified click-through links! Super grande gross.

Please join me in a moment of silence for my lost innocence.

Habits that I both have and hate...

1. Cigarettes. I used to love to smoke. Now I hate it. The gum helps, but I can't seem to ditch this one all the way.
2. Fingernail biting. Actually, what I do would be called "cuticle biting" and sometimes it hurts.
3. Procrastination. I always think there will be more time. Without deadlines, I'm not sure I'd be able to accomplish anything at all.
4. Hypochondria. It's under control, but I'll admit to searching WebMD every time I have a weird symptom.
5. Hair twisting. This is actually a step up. I used to chew on my hair, but switched to twisting (or twirling) in college. It's a nervous habit.

I have habits that I like too: Eating organic, weekly yoga with Kat, watching entire seasons of tv shows on DVD, very good dark chocolate, guarding my "me time" with ferocity, sleeping late on weekends, avoiding exposure to sunlight, and being able to say "no" (I've always been good at that).

I like to think that the good habits make up for the bad ones.

All we are, basically, are monkeys with car keys...*

I know I act all cool, but I'm not. The evidence speaks for itself:

I like Rachael Ray. Apparently, according to the Internets (the comments on this post about EVOO becoming a term in the Oxford Dictionary), cool people are annoyed by Ms. Ray. I watch her Food Network shows and her talk show, read her magazine, and will buy any book she writes. Yum-o.

I used to have a rock & roll lifestyle. My current lifestyle would probably be called "Easy Listening" or "Hooked on Pan Flute." There's a cool little part of me that desperately misses my rock & roll lifestyle, but it has given up on trying to get it back.

I have a crush on the fictional character Chris in the Morning from Northern Exposure (played by John Corbett, but I do not have a crush on John Corbett. I have a crush on Chris Stevens).

Speaking of Northern Exposure, I love the show so much I'm trying to talk my friend Katie into going to Moosefest 2007 in Roslyn, WA (the real town they used for Cicely, Alaska, where the show was based).

What else? I enjoy eating Chinese food right out of the carton. I frequently stab myself accidentally with sharpened pencils. Every single episode of Oprah I've ever watched has made me cry. I am fond of coloring black light posters, especially the ones with unicorns. I am compelled to sing along with any Crosby Stills & Nash song that comes on the radio, particularly songs from Daylight Again. I am overly enthusiastic about office supplies. I often consider buying an electric blanket. I will always love Billy Idol. I am obsessive about oral hygiene and brush my teeth while showering (in addition to the other times I brush at the sink). I call underwear for both boys and girls "panties." I miss my cat when I'm not home.

I could go on, but I don't want anyone to think I'm looking for "you are cool" reassurance. I don't mind being uncool and, when I let it slip every now and then, I feel like I'm taking a metaphysical step in the right direction. I don't know many people who can explain why they like what they like or do what they do. And even the coolest, most badass, unshakeable motherf*cker turns into a giant dork when he trips over a crack in the sidewalk and blames the sidewalk.

"There's a dark side to each and every human soul. We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi, and for the most part we are, but there's a little Darth Vader in all of us. Thing is, this ain't no either-or proposition. We're talking about dialectics, the good and the bad merging into us. You can run but you can't hide. My experience? Face the darkness. Stare it down. Own it. As brother Nietzsche said, being human is a complicated gig. So give that ol' dark night of the soul a hug. Howl the eternal yes!" ~Chris Stevens

*Title from "Grandma Woody," Northern Exposure

Random selections from This Very Moment...

Sweet sassy molassy! Am I really only posting once a week now? I'm so lame, I'm not even going to try and make excuses. Suffice it to say my business and my busy-ness lately has me in a state of disarray (the kind where you forget to mail your water bill, miss doctor's appointments, and remember that you RSVP'd "oui" for three events that are happening on the same evening at the exact same time...)

I think Alec Baldwin is hilarious. Just hearing his voice makes me laugh. I've sent his very specific phone messages to two friends (so far). You can make your own here (unless you're Aleigh and don't think Alec is a riot).

My friend Charlie left me a voicemail message Saturday night while he was getting ready for his annual holiday party (formerly in Charleston, now in Austin, which is why I wasn't in attendance). It made me weepy, mostly because Charlie's holiday parties are legendary, but also because I miss him and I feel like so many of my dear friends have moved away. Oh, and also because I can't drink Veuve anymore. Or anything else.

I still haven't put the tree up. I know I will, but I think I'm putting it off until the last minute because it's sort of depressing to decorate your house for the holidays alone. I'm not complaining, because I'd rather be single than in a shitty relationship, but there's something about hanging those little ornaments with the Charlie Brown Christmas Special on in the background that is just so f*cking SAD when you're doing it by yourself. Is it the holidays or is it me? (and did I totally just sound like Carrie Bradshaw just now? Jesus.)

I've gotten more than half of my holiday shopping done online this year. I found the annual Christmas Crackers at TJ Maxx for way cheap (Christmas dinner is always at my house and the family expects them). I'm actually going back for a second 90-minute long yoga class tonight, even though the first one felt like punishment. And my final randomness: I think I might want a pair of Uggs (this pair), even though I always thought "Ugg" stood for "Ugg-ly." But my cold feet want what all cold feet want...a warm pair of boots.

Be very afraid...

I am.

(My latest essay for Skirt!, which actually stemmed from something I wrote here earlier this year...)