Drink your juice, Shelby...

Kris Carr, filmmaker and author of Crazy Sexy Cancer, and Dr. Mehmet Oz were on Oprah last year and they both talked about the "green drinks" they make every morning. Basically, they just throw anything green from the fridge into the juicer - cucumber, kale, celery, broccoli, etc. Dr. Oz's book, You on a Diet, has been my health bible since I started reading it in September.

Since I'm not a fan of most raw, green veggies (except avocado, baby greens, and spinach), I thought juicing might be a good way to get more green nutrients (right now I get them in pill form with a whole food multi vitamin. After a little research (mostly on Kris's blog, reading what her readers recommend), I bought a Breville juicer. I used it a LOT at first. I felt great, had a ton of energy, my blood sugar was stable, and my skin looked so good I got carded. Then, as with many of my "magic" solutions (exercise bands, belly dancing DVDs, raw food diet), my juice obsession gradually waned.

My first excuse was that juicing takes time. I can buy somewhat "fresh" unpasteurized juice, grab a bottle, and take it with me in two seconds. Juicing (even with a juicer that eats apples whole) is at least a 20-minute affair, including cleanup. My second is that I was throwing away produce. Unless I juiced twice a day for the amount of organic produce I bought, I ended up with bad fruit and vegetables. So even though store-bought juice is more expensive and not "alive," I've justified myself out of juicing for almost three months now.

As a result, I think I look tired and older than my RealAge. I definitely lack energy. And my super bad habit of skipping meals was screwing with my blood sugar enough to make me worry that I'm being a very bad diabetic.

This weekend, I decided to break my own curse and return to juicing. I bought a cart full of fruits and veggies, not a single processed item, and even if I have to juice three times a day I'm not going to throw anything out this week. This morning I had tomato, celery, parsley, spinach and watercress. Yesterday I had carrot/ginger/apple - twice. And now I'm searching through my favorite healthy web sites for more juice recipes. I have a pile of cucumbers, but haven't yet found the right cucumber-something combo. And cucumber by itself is OK, but not delish. Any ideas? I thought about cucumber-chocolate, but besides grossing me out I think that defeats the purpose.

Real quick...

'cause I'm busy (busy stuffing my face with salad). Margaret was kind enough to offer to pick up lunch and asked me what I wanted and from where...I wished out loud for the salad I saw on a tv commercial last night. Margaret said she thought there was a Zaxby's on James Island and told me to Google it - there is! So she went and got a lovely "Zensation"* salad for me.

It was like magic: see something on television, want it, get it.

Yum. Happy day. How tasty is this salad? Shut the hell up, that's how good it is.

*Note: this is definitely not a low fat salad. I can tell because I'm eating it and the fat cells on my thighs are cheering.

If this week was musical theater...

The production's poster would have a picture of me sitting up in bed in the dark with a digital clock that says "3:42 am."

There would be a song called "don't let the bastards get you down" and one called "you're going to have dreams about that particular ex forever." The dramatic monologue would relate to not changing to please anyone (if I could get the rights I'd also use the song "Don't Go Changin'" by Billy Joel but I would remix it into a disco version) and I'd be wearing sky blue underwear during the entire production and that would mean something to be analyzed later by a college drama class.

There would be a character playing Freud (with beautifully resonant singing voice) who would explain to my character via song that I should not pull a Frances Farmer and get an icepick lobotomy just so the ex won't keep re-appearing in my subconscious and ruining what could have been a very decent night's sleep. Because the ex doesn't stand for the ex, he stands for something else that I'd like to change about my life right now. Freud is crazy smart.

The dream sequence would not have an actual person playing my ex, but instead he will be played by a series of spotlights and a disembodied voice. Hillary Clinton makes an appearance (played by Amy Poehler) to explain that some relationships are based on love and trust and others are business arrangements. My character agrees with this, but only because she is currently reading The Fountainhead ("yes, Ms. Clinton, he was the Roark to my Dominique...").

The song at the end would be something gorgeous sung by Jennifer Holliday (yeah, I said Holliday and NOT Hudson because I want the original Dream Girl). And everyone will cry as they leave the theater, but mostly because they're happy that everything turned out OK.

Why I am not always up in here...

...because, since the redesign of Skirt's web site and relaunch, I also blog on Skirt.com. So when I'm not here being all Microfamously Me, it's usually because I'm writing here. Visit, read, register, comment!

I am a 21st century fox...

...now, officially. I just had a wireless router installed at home so now I can use my laptop all over the house. I can't believe I didn't get one of these wi-fi things sooner.

It reminds me that I waited until the video store hardly ever had any videos before I bought my first DVD player. Or that my last car still had a cassette player. Or that I still have LPs stored away in a closet (OK, but I no longer own a turntable and I keep my LPs for a different reason).

Watch out internets. I can get you anywhere in my house now.

Today's frivolity...

My new manicure in OPI "Prince George's Passion" almost makes up for "Aphrodite's Pink Nightmare." Try not to fall in love with this color, as it has been discontinued by OPI. You might be able to find it in a salon, but not for long.

God I love getting my nails done. I wish I had my own personal manicurist around the clock because sometimes I want to have a manicure at 10pm or on a Sunday when the salons are closed. But I also want a personal assistant and a personal chef, and I think those should take priority. Unless I could find an assistant-slash-chef-slash-manicurist in the same person. Hmmm....

Word of the day...

I've been subscribing to Merriam Webster's "word of the day" emails for a few years now. Today's word of the day:
luftmensch
\LOOFT-mensh (the “OO” is as in “foot”)\
An impractical contemplative person having no definite business or income.

This is the first word o' the day email that's ever made me say, "hey, I dated that guy."

I wish I'd known the word back then, if only to have something better to call him besides "lazy," "dilettante," or "trustafarian."

My imaginary twin...

Remember when I mentioned the research I'd been doing for my April essay for Skirt? Well, I finished it and it made it into the issue. Enjoy!