A playlist for my shoes...

Boots, actually. I got my first pair of Doc Martens in high school (oxblood, laces half done) and wore the hell out of them until I was out of college. It was the 90s. We watched Singles and dreamed of moving to Seattle or New York. We loved Nirvana and Mudhoney and L7 and Soundgarden and Sleater-Kinney. We got our noses pierced. We dyed our hair Tori Amos red. We got tattoos. My Doc Marten boots took me all over campus, waded through standing room only crowds at the Music Farm (the old and new one), drank vodka cranberries at AC's (the old and new one), ground peanut shells to dust on the floor of that shitty little club off of market street where we first saw Billy Pilgrim, stood so close to the stage at a Ramones concert that we're still a little deaf in one ear, sat outside the door during hurricane season after hurricane season, fell in love, fell out of love, smoked cigars and sang the blues at that basement club in Savannah, fell in love again and again and one more time after that. And then we grew up. We lost track of our Docs. They ended up with a friend or at Goodwill or left behind in that great second floor apartment on Alexander Street with all of those windows and hardwood floors and a fireplace in the living room and one in the bedroom.

These new boots are not like my old boots, even though they're the classic 1460s. They're black, for one (oxblood is hard to come by these days). I'm not ready to wear them to work, but I wear them almost all the time when I'm not working. They feel like the old ones, but don't make me feel like the old ones. I know the 90s are long over and I'm not sure I could fall in love again, at least, not so hard again. I can feel them pulling, though. They want to go see We Are Augustines next month at Antone's. They whisper, "listen sister, you live in Austin now and there is so, so much you haven't seen and heard." So I made a 90s nostalgia playlist for both of us (links are to individual Youtube videos but you can get the whole thing here).

Mudhoney, "Touch Me I'm Sick"
L7, "Pretend We're Dead"
Concrete Blonde, "Joey"
Nirvana, "Lithium"
Violent Femmes, "Good Feeling"
Mazzy Star, "Fade Into You"
Mother Love Bone, "Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns"
Tori Amos, "Crucify"
Nine Inch Nails, "Closer"
Hole, "Asking For It"
Porno for Pyros, "Meija"
Seven Mary Three, "Water's Edge"

There are things we can let go of and things that become ingrained. My hair isn't quite so red. I wear my nose stud when I remember to put it in. I'm still getting tattooed. My heart is healing. I know it's OK to admit it when I'm scared. I'm just as self-involved. I admit that now too. The 23-year-old me has been painted over so many times it feels like her windows will never open again. But she's there. She doesn't want to wear torn jeans and plaid flannel, but she loves the shit out of our new boots. We can hear the music.

"In one more hour I will be gone
In one more hour I'll leave this room
The dress you wore, the pretty shoes
Are things I left behind for you." (Sleater-Kinney, "One More Hour")

Waiting for winter...

We get a few cold days in Austin here and there, just teasers really, when we oh-so-hopefully drag out our boots and sweaters, throw an extra blanket on the bed, and wonder if we should go ahead and buy firewood. Rationally, we know that it's going to be 85 and humid tomorrow afternoon, that it will probably be warm on Thanksgiving, that the weather is going to be schizophrenic until at least January (and then we'll have two months of cold weather and it might even snow).

snow weather by kellylovej

In Texas, I've learned to wait it out. I put the holiday lights on my fireplace mantel on Saturday. I had the air conditioning on because the high on Saturday was 90 degrees. I persist, and affix a red bow to the outside door.

I have an active imagination. I squint and see leaves turning gold and brown with the season (and not dying trees because we're in a 10-month drought).

I buy sweaters online from the comfort of my chilly, air-conditioned office. And scarves. Because there will be at least two days this year that I can wear both. I briefly considered these boots...for the one day of snow we might get.

I surf Flickr for images of covered bridges, autumn in New England (I was born in Massachusetts, spent time in Newport and rural New Jersey before moving down South).

I dream of wintery, blustery nights in front of my fireplace, wrapped in a cashmere throw (the heart wants what the heart wants). This wallpaper could give me winter wonderful all year.

I love my winter clothes so much more than the others for their forgiveness, for their layered cozy comfort, for the 10 lbs. of Thanksgiving overeating they're going to hide. I have three perfectly good (and lovely) winter coats, but I think I need this one. I'll wear things in layers in the wintertime that I'd never wear alone, like this dress. The only hat I wear in the summer is an ugly wide-brimmed thing I wear to walk the dog. In the winter, I wear hats and feel very stylish (and they also cover up "day two" unwashed hair).

One or two more humid days of 80-something degrees before the next cold front comes in. Today I am wearing a cable-knit sweater in my air-conditioned office, drove here in my air-conditioned car, and will sleep tonight under an extra blanket in my air-conditioned house, dreaming of winter winds, warming my hands around a pumpkin latte, knocking the snow off of my boots on the front porch and warming my feet by the fire. Brrrr.

Why I love the internets...

(I accidentally typed "live" instead of "love" and almost left it that way...I am face-in-computer 99% at work and about 50% at home, if my iPhone counts as internets.)

I'm laptop-bound, smart phone saddled and soon, cuddling a Kindle (the version I pre-ordered doesn't come out until Nov. 21). I've caught myself (maybe twice) wanting to point my phone* at the stocked shelves in a grocery store so it could find the particular brand and product (shampoo, whole wheat couscous, balsamic vinegar) for which I was searching. Ten years ago if you'd asked how much time I thought I'd spend online, I would have thrown the word "luddite" at you. Today I'm wondering just how long before I can download my dreams port-to-port.

[insert segue here] I love llamas. The llama is my spirit animal. One of my dearest friends got married in Asheville on a farm with llamas. I attended her wedding with two other dear friends. These things are not related, except that one of my favorite pictures of that day is me + llama. And because one of my favorite time-sucks online is Pinterest, I love knowing that I am not the only one who loves llamas.

Speaking of weddings in Asheville, my super smart and savvy friend Aleigh shares her organic beauty love and insight with the world at Indigo + Canary. It completely makes sense that what you put on your body goes into your body, but I never really understood how it can negatively affect my health. I now use chemical-free shampoo, makeup and skin care (and she's hunting down some great at-home hair color that passes the organic test for an upcoming post).

I've been mulling over my next tattoo for almost two years now. I keep returning to this one (quote by Kurt Vonnegut). I shared it with my BFF from college who still lives in Charleston and now she's mulling it over too.

We're finally getting cooler weather in Austin - it dropped 30-something degrees quickly last night and was in the high 40s early this morning. I celebrated by buying this gorgeous weekend sweater online from The Gap and can't wait for it to arrive.

I picked up my new glasses earlier this week and love them. While they don't exactly make me look like Zooey Deschanel, they are slightly adorkable.

Also, fall makes me happy, I love my job and I feel healthier after just under a week of packing my lunch for work. The weekend's almost here. I'm wearing my favorite boots today. My dog has two Halloween costumes. A library book I've been waiting for (Laurie Notaro's latest) has finally arrived. All is right in the world.

*If you take this idea and make an app for it, consider this my copyright claim and trademark. Please get my name right when you send the check.

Today I shall share things with which I am obsessed...

I was reading some old blog posts this week (yes, I do that, like anyone would look back through a journal or diary) and wondering (yet again) what happened to my inspiration, my funny, my neurosis, f-words and emotional clutter. My latest theory is that I still have it all, I've just been keeping it to myself. So now I will share.

Rookie. I am a grown woman and I love this site because it makes me feel nostalgic for my younger self who loved Sassy magazine and "My So-Called Life" and pink Hello Kitty notebooks. It was founded by a 15-year-old style blogger. Swap out your plain shoelaces for ribbon or yarn.

A Beautiful Mess. The first time I've wanted to introduce a blog site to another blog site because I think they should know one another. Sabrina, meet Elsiecake. Elsiecake, Sabrina. You both inspire me to be more creative.

The Johnny Cash Project. A fine tribute to the man in black.

Doctor Who. Go ahead and laugh at the woman who said "I'm just not into sci-fi." I've laughed (because others were laughing, not because I got the joke) at "Trust me, I'm a doctor" out of the mouths of many friends in the past 15 years. Caught a few episodes from 2010 on BBC On Demand and now I'm hooked. And too old to care if you think I'm a nerd.

Pinterest. Sucked into the k-hole of pinning and re-pinning, liking and loving my Pinterest boards. They're like mood boards, but online and you can see your friends' boards. Join me?

As Simple as That. It's been a long time since I read a stranger's blog and wanted to smack myself for crushing my own creativity. Hannah Katy made me do that. Especially this post.

Other than that, I'm obsessed with getting from the south side to the north side of the city today without losing my sanity (an attendance record-breaking Austin City Limits Fest starts today and bad traffic has turned to primary highway parking lot). I'm obsessed with doing nothing this weekend except laundry. I have brain drain. I have allergies. I miss my dog when I'm at work. I finished A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan and it made me cry in three places and feel gut-wrenchingly nostalgic throughout. Still wondering what the female version of Peter Pan is because I don't know what to call my delayed adolescence (although my delayed adolescent "doesn't like labels") and I'm starting to feel like a babysitter for myself.

And if you could do me a small favor? Use the word "indeed" on a regular basis. It's a wonderful word and I fear that it could disappear from our language altogether. Indeed.

Cooler weather brings out the love...

And because I haven't done one of these lists since the spring (not that I didn't love anything during the summer, but it was HOT, y'all, and I never did find a sunscreen that didn't taste like shit). Since I recently dug the sweaters out of the back of the closet and threw an extra blanket on the bed, j'adore:

Sleeping with the windows open (see extra blanket on the bed); boot weather - the UGGS are back, plus I found two new great pairs super cheap...one at Marshall's ($20 for slouchy black leather boots when the only pair left was in my size? The Universe wanted me to have them) and these grey suede lovelies from DSW (way less than retail); I haven't caved in to the jeggings trend yet but I do live in leggings, boots, and tunics/sweaters/mini-dresses in the winter; now that it's cooler at night, Miss Kitty loves being warm more than she hates the dog, so get to curl up at night with both of my furbabies; this is what the skyline in Austin looks like at night (and I don't mind that it gets dark earlier); post-summer in Austin, people emerge like they do up north after being snowed in and it's fun and free to people-watch (which can be really interesting here...check out one of my favorite Austin photography sites); I finally watched Whip It, which was filmed in Austin, and it was not only cool to see local landmarks like this one:

But it also (sort of) made me want to sign up for one of the teams here (yes, in Charleston we had one, flat track, in Austin there are many and leagues and bank tracks and teams and really tough chicks); one of my favorite fashion web sites (no, it isn't Prada) inspired me to add "thrifting" to my "things to do" list and I'm planning on browsing some of the great thrift stores in Austin this weekend, including Buffalo Exchange; taking the dog for long walks in the morning and coming back to a house that smells like strong coffee (and then having a cup on the back deck); that I'm brave enough to cut my own hair (bangs!); having free time to write; creative inspiration; and just living, living, living.

Giving writerly advice inspires me to write...

Last week, I had two friends contact me separately asking for advice about writing. One is jumping back into working on her novel. The other is working on giving her freelance writing career a jump start. I also have two friends who recently dug old short stories out of storage and are working on revising them. What motivation! I realized, having slacked off in the creative writing department myself, that every time someone asks my advice on writing, it gives me a little kick in the pants to get back into writing myself. It's a little too easy - especially with weeks of 100+ degree days - to lose energy and spend evenings and weekends doing something other than watching the television in a reclined position on the couch under the ceiling fan with the air conditioner blasting.

I thought I'd share a few links here for the writers out there that might also need some inspiration (or a kick in the pants) that have helped me. These are for you, but also for me. I hope you enjoy them!

Writer, blogger and author Christina Katz has a great web site and weekly e-mail newsletter for writers. I've been subscribing for a few years now and always find something helpful. One of my recent favorites is her list of 228 movies about writers and the writing life (link to PDF here).

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is almost here! It begins November 1 and is perfect for writers who NEED deadlines to get anything done. You can sign up at the web site to participate - the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in just one month - and there are forums and tools that help set deadlines, hold you accountable for word count, and get advice from others who are participating. Read "How NaNoWriMo Works" here.

I love this advice to writers piece by Kurt Vonnegut called "How to Write With Style."

One of my favorite blogs with tons of advice for freelance writers, The Renegade Writer. If you're at the querying editors stage, they also have a great book called Query Letters that Rock.

Find inspirational quotes, book recommendations, and tons of links to other web sites at Advice to Writers (Writerly Wisdom of the Ages, collected by Jon Winokor).

If you're a podcast-listener like I am (I get most of my NPR fix via podcasts), there are several good ones for writers and readers, like Selected Shorts (short fiction read during their live shows by stars of stage and screen), KQED's "The Writer's Block" (short stories, excerpts, and nonfiction read by authors), Book Lust with Seattle librarian Nancy Pearl (interviews with writers on writing), The New Yorker's Fiction podcast (writers reading their favorite stories from The New Yorker), "I Should Be Writing" (the podcast for wanna-be fiction writers), and of course, This American Life (storytelling at its best).

And my final bit of advice, though it's specific to me, is return to what worked for you in the beginning. I have a battered copy of Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. I discovered this book while I was still in high school and it was the first book on writing I read that really spoke to me. It freed me to write, it gave me permission to call myself a writer, and all of these years later, it still gives me so much inspiration, even when I have to force myself to pick it up and start reading. It's always close by; I always know where it is; and I think it might be the 5th or 6th copy I purchased because I've loaned or given others away to writer friends with writing emergencies.

For those of you who have asked my advice, I love you for it. I love you for thinking so much of me, but also because you inspire me by asking. And for those of you out there who would like to ask but haven't, ask away! Comment here or email me at kellylovejohnson[AT]gmail.com.

In honor of Valentine's Day...

And because I haven't done one of these in a while, my latest "love list."

J'adore: The way Valentines that come in the boxes that you used to give out to classmates smell, lingerie we buy for ourselves, my new favorite perfume, friends who inspire me, friends who are living on the edge, far-away friends I miss until my heart hurts, friends who let me sleep over when I'm in town, my sweet little sister and her little peep, the audio book I bought after my signing at Joseph Beth to listen to on my late night drive back from Charlotte, keeping the faith, an upcoming party/oyster roast on Goldbug Island, not having to age gracefully, a shot of color (vineyard!) in my otherwise somber wardrobe, open windows in early evenings, dark chocolate-covered strawberries that came as a surprise, women who put the "femme" in feminism, I have wings in my dreams, trying this on for a while before getting it for real, I'm not the the only one obsessed with my cat, and you. Always you.

Things that give me goosebumps...

* This song from Dreamgirls (Broadway production, 1982, Jennifer Holliday).

* The last 10 minutes of the last episode of Six Feet Under.

* Rufus Wainwright's voice. And this song.

* Any one of a dozen Julia Sugarbaker speeches from Designing Women.

Stuff and nonsense...

I'm not sure if it's the endorphins from yoga or the Happy Baby Pose that makes me laugh so hard in the middle of yoga class. This also happens to be my friend Katie's favorite yoga pose.

I want a Mr. Bento, even though I rarely bring lunch in such an organized fashion. My lunch usually consists of a pop top can of low sodium, low fat, Italian Wedding Soup (I love to pick out the little meatballs) or a chicken breast. I feel like I would create healthy, extravagant lunches if I had Mr. Bento. At the least, I could just take pictures of what I put into Mr. Bento.

Tearwater tea is very good for us, according to Owl at Home. Although, The Pig not having the healthy low sodium, low fat, only-kind-of-soup I like on the shelf is not on the list, so bursting into tears on the soup aisle this week was probably inappropriate.

I was so close to returning that fussy shirt/dress I bought at Target on impulse last week that it was in the bag with the receipt until this morning, when I decided to wear it. I'm glad I didn't take it back.

Last night I dreamed that Nora Ephron called and wanted to take me to lunch because she read my blog and thought I needed a reality check. I did just finish reading her latest book. I think it's because she seems like she wouldn't put up with (my) whiny crap, plus she's dealt with a lot more in her life than I have to date. I do not know what a reality check with Ms. Ephron would consist of, but I was looking forward to it.

I'm hoping to make roller-skating my regular Thursday evening activity now that the light lasts longer and it won't feel so late at 6:30.

Positivity, people! I'm full of it today. Take that any way you'd like.

Often depressed and heart broken we gaze the future motionless...

I'm both mystified by and in love with this site: The home of all post modern urbanite bugs.

We only had a print edition, but teen angst hasn't changed much since I was in high school: Lawrenceville (KS) High School's online literary journal. Life is so full of sorrow. When you're 16.

It often helps to commiserate with others.

Pair off, or die.

Humans aren't the only ones whose hearts can be broken. Robots need love too. I must have one of these.

If you have to ask Yahoo! how to heal your broken heart, you're totally screwed. Or you're in seventh grade.

Be kind. You can't tell who has a broken heart just by looking at them. It would help if we all wore these shirts.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. ~Author Unknown

Monday minutiae...

Heroes: The show I didn't think I'd get hooked on, but I did. I'm all geeked out about it. I even read the graphic novel episodes in between the TV episodes.

Superfoods: I tried to hit all 10 this weekend, but only managed about five. I bought some Clementines with the intention of eating them yesterday, but decided that eating dark chocolate for a snack made me happier.

Surfing: Skirt's MySpace page is growing and growing. All the cool kids are on MySpace now. Be our friend here.

Reading: An advance copy of a memoir called Sister Salty, Sister Sweet . I'm going to send it to my sister Katie as soon as I'm done so she can exhale and stop waiting for me to reveal all of our childhood secrets in memoir form. On my wait list: What is the What, Dave Eggers; Let the Northern Lights Erase Your Name, Vendela Vida (coincidentally, she's married to Eggers); and Special Topics in Calamity Physics, Marisha Pessl (I've been putting this one off for a long time, but after listening to Pessl on KCRW's Bookworm podcast this weekend, I might have to bump it up on the list).

Listening: Starbucks Compilation "Crush on You" CD, which has one of my favorite Pink Martini songs AND Jeff Buckley. And Madeleine Peyroux, who will be in Charleston in March performing at the Music Hall.