Sharing the love and the weird...

Aleigh used to write these great blog posts on things her friends said via email (I think that's what it was called). I'm stealing the idea, except with texts. I didn't even ask if I could. The two of us and another friend, who I will call "Erin" (because that's her name), have had a years-long group text exchange. I can't remember when it started...sometime in the year after I moved to Austin...but I know it will probably last forever. I hope it will. They make me laugh like no-one else can.

Also science says having friends is just as important to your health as exercise. I text/talk to these two waaaaay many more minutes than I spend at the gym.

Two notes: 1) none of these texts are work-related and 2) many of the phrases are mine, but I'm not saying which ones; nor am I identifying the others.

• You know you're getting older when you spend more money on makeup and food than booze.
• Age defy all the things!
• Dear god asparagus. Why? WHY? You know that scene in The Exorcist where the priest's mom goes "why Dimi why you do dis to meee?" That's what I feel like saying to asparagus after I pee.
• Not that I have ever noticed. Maybe I just can't smell it!
• My mother is taking pictures of her TV screen and texting them to me.
• I need a million dollars, stat.
• Quick get Satan and make a pact. 
• I used to have him in my contacts but the last time I texted him he was all like "new phone who dis."
• Satan is an asshole. I texted that I needed to remove four years from my life that I wasted on shitheads and all I got was LOL GRRRRRL.
• You definitely need a lady's maid. 
• I rang a fucking bell for some cottage cheese and blueberries like an hour ago and bitch still hasn't shown up. I HAVE TO WALK TO MY KITCHEN.
• Please save me.
• I think if I cried more often I'd be a better person.
• Okya I’m drrunka.
• Feel free to smack me the very next time you see me if I have become annoying.
• Me when it was time to leave work for the holidays:

I love these group text exchanges. I live for them. There's an awful lot of talk about bodily functions, things that shall never be repeated, even if attributed anonymously. I have announced that I was renaming Thanksgiving "Bakesgiving." Once there was a three-day long exchange about malevolent vaginas. And it was funny as hell. But there was also a day-long exchange about the relevance of historic landmarks and whitewashing history (we have these sometimes so we remember that we're smart).

We live states apart, but laugh and cry together as much as we ever did when we lived in the same city. No matter what happens in my life here, these two are always in my pocket. I'm not very good at telling people how much they mean to me, but I have no trouble telling these two lifelines how much I love them. I hope everyone is so lucky.

Why I love the internets...

(I accidentally typed "live" instead of "love" and almost left it that way...I am face-in-computer 99% at work and about 50% at home, if my iPhone counts as internets.)

I'm laptop-bound, smart phone saddled and soon, cuddling a Kindle (the version I pre-ordered doesn't come out until Nov. 21). I've caught myself (maybe twice) wanting to point my phone* at the stocked shelves in a grocery store so it could find the particular brand and product (shampoo, whole wheat couscous, balsamic vinegar) for which I was searching. Ten years ago if you'd asked how much time I thought I'd spend online, I would have thrown the word "luddite" at you. Today I'm wondering just how long before I can download my dreams port-to-port.

[insert segue here] I love llamas. The llama is my spirit animal. One of my dearest friends got married in Asheville on a farm with llamas. I attended her wedding with two other dear friends. These things are not related, except that one of my favorite pictures of that day is me + llama. And because one of my favorite time-sucks online is Pinterest, I love knowing that I am not the only one who loves llamas.

Speaking of weddings in Asheville, my super smart and savvy friend Aleigh shares her organic beauty love and insight with the world at Indigo + Canary. It completely makes sense that what you put on your body goes into your body, but I never really understood how it can negatively affect my health. I now use chemical-free shampoo, makeup and skin care (and she's hunting down some great at-home hair color that passes the organic test for an upcoming post).

I've been mulling over my next tattoo for almost two years now. I keep returning to this one (quote by Kurt Vonnegut). I shared it with my BFF from college who still lives in Charleston and now she's mulling it over too.

We're finally getting cooler weather in Austin - it dropped 30-something degrees quickly last night and was in the high 40s early this morning. I celebrated by buying this gorgeous weekend sweater online from The Gap and can't wait for it to arrive.

I picked up my new glasses earlier this week and love them. While they don't exactly make me look like Zooey Deschanel, they are slightly adorkable.

Also, fall makes me happy, I love my job and I feel healthier after just under a week of packing my lunch for work. The weekend's almost here. I'm wearing my favorite boots today. My dog has two Halloween costumes. A library book I've been waiting for (Laurie Notaro's latest) has finally arrived. All is right in the world.

*If you take this idea and make an app for it, consider this my copyright claim and trademark. Please get my name right when you send the check.

Today I believe in happiness...

After a marvelous weekend that began with a Saturday morning trip to another farmer's market (there are many in Austin) as I kept my eye on the cloudy skies, hoping the weather wasn't being a tease again.

It wasn't. I spent the rest of the weekend enjoying the sound of rain outside, reading some new pages of a friend's book in progress, catching up on more "Doctor Who" (the first David Tennant season), napping and being a bit lazy. I steamed lovely tamales from the Farmer's Market for dinner (chicken mole and spinach/caramelized onion).


I happily spent Saturday evening watching television and drowsing off to the sound of rain on the roof. Sunday morning felt like Christmas morning, waking up before dawn to thunder, lightning and more (!) rain. For those of you outside of Texas, I am not usually obsessed with rain. I am currently obsessed with rain because we haven't had any significant rainfall in Austin since MARCH. March, people, and if you've never seen what a drought looks like I'll sum it up: depressing as shit. Brown lawns, brown leaves, brown trees, yards turned to dust and dirt, highways lined with brown grass. Oh, and there's the fires that happen spontaneously because everything turned to kindling over the dry summer.

On this wonderful Sunday morning there were puddles everywhere and it was raining so hard the puppy wouldn't go outside (but the front porch was just fiiine...). I trekked to Starbuck (happily in the rain), got my usual gigantic (trenta) iced coffee and settled in to work on some copy and line editing. The rain let up long enough for me to walk the dog and it was wonderfully cool and breezy. I wore a hoodie.

My point...if you're expecting me to lead you to one...I had several in-the-moment-I'm-happy-right-now pauses throughout the weekend. Just for the little things. Like tamales. And rain. And my dog's third birthday (my sweet Lulu went from this to this in such a short time!). I'm happy right now.

And now.

Now.

Today I tick many things off of my to-do list...

There's something about peace of mind and a stress-free day job that makes me oh-so productive. I think I've fed my blog monster more in the past week than I have in the past year. Just this week:

I researched and wrote a blog post (not one of my own).

I paid my car taxes online (and remembered that inspection is due this month, sort of amazing for me since I don't pay attention to the stickers on my own windshield and never had to get my car inspected when I lived in Charleston).

I went grocery shopping and actually bought enough food to last a week.

Laundry: Not just bed linens, but clothing and towels as well.

Filled out paperwork for health insurance prior to benefits meeting this week.

Located my social security card (see last item).

Made dinner for myself and roommate last night, as she was on her second double-shift work day of the week. Meatless Tuesday: Couscous with chickpeas, onion, garlic and toasted pine nuts.

Scheduled hair appointment in hopes that weather will cooperate and I may begin wearing my hair down.

I could store all of these tasks in my iPhone (surely there's an app for that), but I still prefer the old-school method of list-making: Post-it notes and various scraps of lists collected in a small Moleskine notebook with accordion pocket that I keep in my shoulder bag and update daily. There's something really satisfying about crossing items from the list (or moving them to next week) with pen to paper that doesn't really translate to high-tech. There's always the possibility that I'll change my tune and tout the advantages of the next amazing "to-do list app" by the end of the year. I do love my apps.

I'm also learning how much is too much. I had the best of intentions to attend the Austin Social Media Club meetup (on crowdsourcing) yesterday evening, I went home and watched Glee instead. I had a long discussion with myself and the final decision was that I'd really rather be home watching actors pretending to be high schoolers sing and dance. I don't call it lazy, I call it Kelly time.

Are you more productive at a certain time of year? Do you have iPhone apps I should know about? Do you still hand-write your to-do lists?

Today I shall share things with which I am obsessed...

I was reading some old blog posts this week (yes, I do that, like anyone would look back through a journal or diary) and wondering (yet again) what happened to my inspiration, my funny, my neurosis, f-words and emotional clutter. My latest theory is that I still have it all, I've just been keeping it to myself. So now I will share.

Rookie. I am a grown woman and I love this site because it makes me feel nostalgic for my younger self who loved Sassy magazine and "My So-Called Life" and pink Hello Kitty notebooks. It was founded by a 15-year-old style blogger. Swap out your plain shoelaces for ribbon or yarn.

A Beautiful Mess. The first time I've wanted to introduce a blog site to another blog site because I think they should know one another. Sabrina, meet Elsiecake. Elsiecake, Sabrina. You both inspire me to be more creative.

The Johnny Cash Project. A fine tribute to the man in black.

Doctor Who. Go ahead and laugh at the woman who said "I'm just not into sci-fi." I've laughed (because others were laughing, not because I got the joke) at "Trust me, I'm a doctor" out of the mouths of many friends in the past 15 years. Caught a few episodes from 2010 on BBC On Demand and now I'm hooked. And too old to care if you think I'm a nerd.

Pinterest. Sucked into the k-hole of pinning and re-pinning, liking and loving my Pinterest boards. They're like mood boards, but online and you can see your friends' boards. Join me?

As Simple as That. It's been a long time since I read a stranger's blog and wanted to smack myself for crushing my own creativity. Hannah Katy made me do that. Especially this post.

Other than that, I'm obsessed with getting from the south side to the north side of the city today without losing my sanity (an attendance record-breaking Austin City Limits Fest starts today and bad traffic has turned to primary highway parking lot). I'm obsessed with doing nothing this weekend except laundry. I have brain drain. I have allergies. I miss my dog when I'm at work. I finished A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan and it made me cry in three places and feel gut-wrenchingly nostalgic throughout. Still wondering what the female version of Peter Pan is because I don't know what to call my delayed adolescence (although my delayed adolescent "doesn't like labels") and I'm starting to feel like a babysitter for myself.

And if you could do me a small favor? Use the word "indeed" on a regular basis. It's a wonderful word and I fear that it could disappear from our language altogether. Indeed.

Resolutions...

For the past 10 years or so, I've always made a "mega list" of New Year's Resolutions. For example, in 2002, I made 102 micro-resolutions. In 2004, I made 104. I wasn't the only one...there's a whole community of people who break their resolutions down into categories and smaller, more manageable increments. I also created titles ("Get it Done in 2001") for each list, printed them out, and carried them with me in my day planner. I even highlighted each item as it was accomplished. Cleaning out some files (one of my resolutions) earlier this week in my desk, I came across 10 printed out lists from the past 10 years. Frankly, it just made me tired. If I stuck to the old pattern, this year, that means I would have to make 111 resolutions. Not going to happen.

I was thrilled to find these old lists, not just for entertainment value (in 2011, one of my resolutions was "don't leave the house without makeup." Another: "Watch less TV."), but also because I realized that they served a purpose, but it's one I no longer need. Every year, I included "read one book a week." Done. The wearing makeup thing? I now live in Austin. I go to the grocery store in my pajamas and often spend days without makeup. Another amusement: Every single list had "fall in love." I did that one year; it didn't quite work out. Also, I don't think that's the kind of thing you can put on a check list. The coolest thing is that some of the resolutions I thought were long shots actually happened: I published a book in 2008. I made a huge change in my life when I moved to Austin (just passed my one year anniversary here!). I got a literary agent and a publicist. I became my own publicist. I matured emotionally, have been able to let down some of those walls, and I tell people I love them all the time - whether they say it back or not. I finally read Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead (thanks to some prompting from Aleigh). And they did change my life, or at least the way I perceive things in my life.

For 2011, I've decided to keep my list in my head. Or maybe here. But there won't be 111. I want to live in the moment. I want to be happy (I am). I want to be more social (working on it). I want to find a day job that I love so much I'd do it for free. I want to lose 25 lbs. I want to finish my second book. I want to buy some plants. But since I live in Austin now, as a tribute, I'm going to go with the flow, add resolutions as they come up, and let the Universe point me in the right direction. Maybe this year, not having a printed, rigid list will be an asset. I'm calling my 2011 list "Subject to Change." Which reminds me: Add "stop trying to control every aspect of your life."

Cooler weather brings out the love...

And because I haven't done one of these lists since the spring (not that I didn't love anything during the summer, but it was HOT, y'all, and I never did find a sunscreen that didn't taste like shit). Since I recently dug the sweaters out of the back of the closet and threw an extra blanket on the bed, j'adore:

Sleeping with the windows open (see extra blanket on the bed); boot weather - the UGGS are back, plus I found two new great pairs super cheap...one at Marshall's ($20 for slouchy black leather boots when the only pair left was in my size? The Universe wanted me to have them) and these grey suede lovelies from DSW (way less than retail); I haven't caved in to the jeggings trend yet but I do live in leggings, boots, and tunics/sweaters/mini-dresses in the winter; now that it's cooler at night, Miss Kitty loves being warm more than she hates the dog, so get to curl up at night with both of my furbabies; this is what the skyline in Austin looks like at night (and I don't mind that it gets dark earlier); post-summer in Austin, people emerge like they do up north after being snowed in and it's fun and free to people-watch (which can be really interesting here...check out one of my favorite Austin photography sites); I finally watched Whip It, which was filmed in Austin, and it was not only cool to see local landmarks like this one:

But it also (sort of) made me want to sign up for one of the teams here (yes, in Charleston we had one, flat track, in Austin there are many and leagues and bank tracks and teams and really tough chicks); one of my favorite fashion web sites (no, it isn't Prada) inspired me to add "thrifting" to my "things to do" list and I'm planning on browsing some of the great thrift stores in Austin this weekend, including Buffalo Exchange; taking the dog for long walks in the morning and coming back to a house that smells like strong coffee (and then having a cup on the back deck); that I'm brave enough to cut my own hair (bangs!); having free time to write; creative inspiration; and just living, living, living.

This year's soundtrack....

Inspired my my friend Angie Mizzell's post, My Story: The Soundtrack, and because I have been working on and off on a memoir-style (sort of) essay collection myself, I came up with my own soundtrack should they make a movie from my memoir (a la Eat Pray Love). A more apt title for mine would be Love, Drink, Cry....but it isn't. I posted this on Angie's blog as well, but wanted to share here. Soundtrack for my memoir, possibly. Soundtrack for 2010, definitely.

The Weary Kind, Ryan Bingham (from the Crazy Heart soundtrack)
Beautiful World, Colin Hay
Hold on Hope, Guided by Voices
All in My Head, Shawn Mullins
Carolina in My Mind, James Taylor
Too Much Space, Lisa Germano
Who'd Have Known, Lily Allen
Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve
Thunder Road, Cowboy Junkies (Springsteen cover)
I am Alright, Madeleine Peyroux
All I Want, Susie Suh
Harvest Moon, Neil Young
You Are Not Alone, Patty Griffin
Don't Mind Me, Lucy Kaplansky

I have an actual iTunes playlist for this one called "Moving to Austin." I also have a playlist for 2009 called "The Shitshow," but I'd rather keep that one to myself for now. Even if you're not working on a memoir like the 10 billion of us who are, what is your soundtrack (or song) for this year? Did you have one for 2009? Is it mostly made up of The Cure? Should I have included "Deep in the Heart of Texas" on mine?

Share yours here...I'd love to add some new music to my own list.

Giving writerly advice inspires me to write...

Last week, I had two friends contact me separately asking for advice about writing. One is jumping back into working on her novel. The other is working on giving her freelance writing career a jump start. I also have two friends who recently dug old short stories out of storage and are working on revising them. What motivation! I realized, having slacked off in the creative writing department myself, that every time someone asks my advice on writing, it gives me a little kick in the pants to get back into writing myself. It's a little too easy - especially with weeks of 100+ degree days - to lose energy and spend evenings and weekends doing something other than watching the television in a reclined position on the couch under the ceiling fan with the air conditioner blasting.

I thought I'd share a few links here for the writers out there that might also need some inspiration (or a kick in the pants) that have helped me. These are for you, but also for me. I hope you enjoy them!

Writer, blogger and author Christina Katz has a great web site and weekly e-mail newsletter for writers. I've been subscribing for a few years now and always find something helpful. One of my recent favorites is her list of 228 movies about writers and the writing life (link to PDF here).

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is almost here! It begins November 1 and is perfect for writers who NEED deadlines to get anything done. You can sign up at the web site to participate - the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in just one month - and there are forums and tools that help set deadlines, hold you accountable for word count, and get advice from others who are participating. Read "How NaNoWriMo Works" here.

I love this advice to writers piece by Kurt Vonnegut called "How to Write With Style."

One of my favorite blogs with tons of advice for freelance writers, The Renegade Writer. If you're at the querying editors stage, they also have a great book called Query Letters that Rock.

Find inspirational quotes, book recommendations, and tons of links to other web sites at Advice to Writers (Writerly Wisdom of the Ages, collected by Jon Winokor).

If you're a podcast-listener like I am (I get most of my NPR fix via podcasts), there are several good ones for writers and readers, like Selected Shorts (short fiction read during their live shows by stars of stage and screen), KQED's "The Writer's Block" (short stories, excerpts, and nonfiction read by authors), Book Lust with Seattle librarian Nancy Pearl (interviews with writers on writing), The New Yorker's Fiction podcast (writers reading their favorite stories from The New Yorker), "I Should Be Writing" (the podcast for wanna-be fiction writers), and of course, This American Life (storytelling at its best).

And my final bit of advice, though it's specific to me, is return to what worked for you in the beginning. I have a battered copy of Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. I discovered this book while I was still in high school and it was the first book on writing I read that really spoke to me. It freed me to write, it gave me permission to call myself a writer, and all of these years later, it still gives me so much inspiration, even when I have to force myself to pick it up and start reading. It's always close by; I always know where it is; and I think it might be the 5th or 6th copy I purchased because I've loaned or given others away to writer friends with writing emergencies.

For those of you who have asked my advice, I love you for it. I love you for thinking so much of me, but also because you inspire me by asking. And for those of you out there who would like to ask but haven't, ask away! Comment here or email me at kellylovejohnson[AT]gmail.com.

Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try...

Anyone who knows me knows I enjoy a little wallowing from time to time. I have so many "wallow mix" playlists (all with a slightly different nuance) that even I have a hard time keeping them straight. I've tweeted about how much I love the soundtrack for "Crazy Heart," particularly Ryan Bingham's "The Weary Kind." The first few times I heard it, I wasn't really listening to the lyrics. I haven't even seen the movie yet. I just knew it made me feel stronger when I needed to feel stronger.

And then a couple of weeks ago, I listened - really listened - to the lyrics. Excerpt:

Your heart’s on the loose
You rolled them sevens with nothing lose
And this ain’t no place for the weary kind

You called all your shots
Shooting 8 ball at the corner truck stop
Somehow this don’t feel like home anymore

And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
And this ain’t no place to lose your mind
And this ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try...

I realized why it worked for me, even subliminally. I had been going through a period of adjustment for a long time. I couldn't afford to fall apart. As much as I wanted to crawl under the covers and sleep all day and night, to go over the edge, to give in to my self-destructive instincts, I knew I had to hold it together. And without realizing it, I was hearing that last line about picking up your crazy heart and giving it one more try. So I did.

Because I haven't done one of these in a while...

A "gratitude" post, that is...the last time was in February of 2008, I figured it was time to do a "what I love" list - some Austin-related, others not.

J'adore: Sparkling Lime IZZE soda (they didn't sell IZZE at the Food Lion in my old neighborhood in Charleston), PITT Artist pens are helping me get back to the notebook writing basics, healthy cooking shows on FitTV (love having digital cable again), early morning and late evening dog walking up and down the hills in my neighborhood, my new purple shorts with front and back pockets from The Gap, the Zocalo plate with avocado from Zocalo Cafe for lunch (also love the Tacos Del Mar with watermelon salsa), that I don't need health insurance to get affordable health care here (even with a diabetic specialist), the pet store that's within walking distance of my house - Just for Pets - and the owners who love my dog...I bring Lulu there often to get bully sticks (she loves them, I love them because they keep her busy; I just don't think too hard about what they're made of), my new pink gel iPhone case, two-for-$5 tacos at the taco bar at the gigantic Whole Foods, Sunday afternoon naps, Neutrogena 110 SPF dual spectrum oil-free sunscreen, washing it off, the extraordinarily ugly wide-brimmed sun hat (mine is in black) that makes me look like a total dork (but I love that a. I do not care and b. it protects my face from the brutal Texas sun...seriously, it's not even officially summer here and I'm already freckling), Half-Price Books (one of the most organized used books store I've ever visited), and that I can walk to the grocery store (HEB), CVS, Starbucks, La Salsa, Quiznos, and around the track around the middle school up the street after school hours.

Various and sundry unsolicited advice...

Keeping up with my blog here has been difficult lately, as every good idea I've had for a blog post has turned into an idea for a personal essay or story pitch. And since I'm freelancing now and I don't pay myself for writing here, I haven't been as microfamously prolific as I thought I would be working from home again. I've been getting so much advice lately from people who tell me that the media is dying and I should consider (a) teaching (not small children, not this girl!), (b) pharmaceutical sales rep (I'm an editor, not a salesperson), (c) get my MBA (in this economy, really?), and (d) accountant for tax season (if you really know me, you know I don't balance my own checkbook and the one time I did my own taxes, I got audited). With all of this well-intentioned advice coming in my direction, I thought I'd offer some advice of my own.

My newest family member, Lulu (or Lou), is almost four months old. My advice to anyone with a new puppy: Training works. You don't think it will, the puppy will drive you crazy, you'll start to worry that you're a bad dog mom or that you picked the demented (or demonically possessed one) from the litter, but one day they GET IT. Lou finally gets it. I no longer have to chase her around the house for a half an hour before we go for a walk. I don't have to take her outside at 3, 5, and 6am because she's sleeping through the night. She knows potty is for outside only. And (this was the biggest challenge for me) she comes when I call her.

I like working from home again, but I do miss the camaraderie of working in an office. However, since I have so many formerly media-employed-and-now-freelancing friends, all I have to do is send an email or pick up the phone and I can have coffee or lunch with a "co-worker." And then we talk about how much fun it is to work in our pajamas and how much more productive we are working at home. And here's my advice about working from home: No daytime television. Daytime television is the bane of the work-from-home freelancer and it will suck you into a vortex of vapid chicken chat on the View, daytime soaps you've never heard of before, and back-to-back reruns of Law & Order. Naps are OK, but you have to earn them (they're one of the perks of working from home). My rule is No Television Before 6pm.

I also limit checking Facebook to once a day or every other day, try to limit my time on Twitter (still working on that - it's damn addictive!), and restrain myself from going back to bed once I'm out of it in the morning.

This is a time of flux for a lot of us who work in media, but I'm hopeful. And that leads me to my final bit of advice for now: Don't underestimate the power of your friends and support network. I'm so lucky to have people in my life who believe in me even when I lose my confidence and when I'm astoundingly hard on myself. My friends have offered everything over the past few months from a sympathetic ear to a free printer when mine suddenly went on the fritz. I'm hopeful because I'm part of this "we" instead of being out there on my own.

The countdown begins...

The past four-plus months have been completely amazing, insane, wonderful...I can't believe tomorrow is finally Election Day. If you haven't voted absentee (I did that on Friday), PLEASE don't skip it on Tuesday! The lines will be long (I waited almost 3 hours to vote absentee myself) and it may rain, but you're going to want to tell your grandkids that you were part of this historic election.

I've been eating, sleeping, and breathing politics non-stop since early July. My entire life has been on hold. Now I get to start thinking about November 5. I have a list I've been keeping in my little Moleskine notebook called "things to do after Election Day."

In no particular order:
1. Sleep.
2. Sleep through an entire night.
3. Read a book all the way through.
4. Read a magazine all the way through.
5. Express gratitude that my cell phone is not ringing every 20 minutes.
6. Pedicure. Do I need to say that my "summer polish" is still hanging on?
7. See my friends and family.
8. Go one day without reading a newspaper, online or otherwise, or watching CNN.
9. Get home for the day before darkness falls.
10. Find where I stored my winter clothes before it gets too cold.

I'm probably forgetting a lot of things, but these are the ones that have been on my mind a lot. And I miss you all too. I miss being able to talk about what's been going on in my life, with my job, and all of the minutiae I used to go on (and on)about. So here's the notice that I'll be back - soon and before the week is out!

P.S. SC District 01 - Vote Ketner! And (especially my dear friends and family who have been volunteering), please come over to our election watch party Tuesday evening from 8 to midnight - Omar Shrine Auditorium on Patriot's Point in Mt. Pleasant. It's free and open to the public - hope to see you there!

Listalicious lunchtime...

I've been eating an awful lot of frozen meals - mostly Amy's Organic brand - and I think I finally reached breaking point with Mexican Tamale Pie number 15 (over a 2-week period). Someone in the office said it smelled like bug spray. I ate it. Gross.

Last night I put the TV on when I got home and left the room before I realized it was on VH1. When I came back, my plants were dead. Reason? Scott Baio is boring enough to kill vegetation. Apparently Viacom (the company that owns MTV and VH1) thinks even extraordinarily boring people make good reality TV. MTV just announced that "Tila Tequila" (just writing her name makes me want to shower) is coming back for another season. Gross.

I just don't understand the whole "I don't like Hillary" thing when it comes from women. Men I understand. They might be a little slower to accept the idea of a female candidate; they're threatened by strong women; they have issues with women in leadership positions. But my female friends? You're so smart (otherwise we wouldn't be friends) and I don't get how you can support a candidate with less experience just because you don't "like" Hillary. Looks like 2008 has created a whole new category of misogynists: Women-hating women. Gross.

In honor of Valentine's Day...

And because I haven't done one of these in a while, my latest "love list."

J'adore: The way Valentines that come in the boxes that you used to give out to classmates smell, lingerie we buy for ourselves, my new favorite perfume, friends who inspire me, friends who are living on the edge, far-away friends I miss until my heart hurts, friends who let me sleep over when I'm in town, my sweet little sister and her little peep, the audio book I bought after my signing at Joseph Beth to listen to on my late night drive back from Charlotte, keeping the faith, an upcoming party/oyster roast on Goldbug Island, not having to age gracefully, a shot of color (vineyard!) in my otherwise somber wardrobe, open windows in early evenings, dark chocolate-covered strawberries that came as a surprise, women who put the "femme" in feminism, I have wings in my dreams, trying this on for a while before getting it for real, I'm not the the only one obsessed with my cat, and you. Always you.

My schedule lately...

...feels like I'm participating in a triathalon - without the cardio benefits.

It's not just the day job (though that's getting busier by the day); it's the book stuff for my book that's out now, interviews, book signings, etc. (and Universe? I'm not complaining here - I love every minute of it!); book number two that I'm supposed to be working on; and managing the other aspects of my life from washing clothes to picking things up from the dry cleaner to remembering to buy skim milk for my coffee that gets me started at 6:30 every morning. I know when I've reached the point where I can't remember the last time I did a load of laundry, when I'm plucking clothes from the back of my closet because I can't find anything clean in the piles that are in my guest room (and now my own bedroom too!), when I'm too tired at 7pm to even talk on the phone, when I want to go to bed desperately at 8pm even though Lost is coming on in an hour and I really (really!) want to stay up and watch. I'm on autopilot a lot now. I've had black coffee. I've gone commando. I've driven on an empty tank. I have an envelope stuffed full of unanswered mail in my bag, an inbox full of unanswered email, a to-do list that is getting embarrassing, and a head full of static. Worse, I haven't seen the inside of a gym since I bought myself a new pair of workout pants for Christmas.

I'd hire a personal assistant or a cleaning person, but I'm almost too embarrassed to show someone just how long it's been since my kitchen floor had a good mopping or tell them how long my contact lenses have been ready and sitting in a bin at Pearle.

Again, not complaining because I do know what the alternative is; I was there just a few years ago. However I do fear suffocation-by-clothing-piles, having to use a bedsheet to dry myself off after a shower because I have no clean towels, and having bad credit because I haven't had time to go through my overdue bills.

Since one of my New Year's Resolutions is to stop being so judgmental...

...I don't really have much to say. Scary, isn't it?

Since I'm no longer judging, I've decided that none of my ex-boyfriends are idiots, losers, or lame. They just weren't right for me.

Same for ex-friends. This one wasn't an insane pothead over-medicated new age freakshow. We just didn't "mesh." That one wasn't an overbearing pushy negative critical mess. She was just trying to help me when I didn't need it. I wasn't at a point in my life where I could "receive her feedback." And that other one. He wasn't a pseudo-intellectual immature needy manipulative starf*cker. He was just one of those people who groove harder on discussing their grandiose plans then actually executing them. Nothing wrong with that.

I really feel like I'm on the road to a New Me in 2008. I made my usual mega-resolution list (more on that here): "Clean Slate in 2008" consists of 108 mega/uber/micro resolutions. I'll share more throughout the month, along with my progress.

But no judgment, people!

Things that I am today...

Disturbed by dark movie hangover: I watched both The King and Reign Over Me in one day this weekend. Both were good enough to get a Netflix 5 stars from me, but The King was disturbing enough to keep me fixated on it for a while.

Irritated with new Blogger design tools and my other web site in general. I had to take the graphics down because Blogger keeps screwing with the code. I don't mean to be all "I hate change" about it, but the old Blogger code was so much easier.

Tired because I woke up at 1:30 am because I had a (giant, malovent, Palmetto) bug ON MY ARM. Flinging it off woke me up, but hunting it down and killing it and leaving its carcass in the hall for the others to see and fear because I CANNOT GO TO SLEEP IF A BUG IS IN MY ROOM invoked an adrenalin rush that kept me awake until almost 3:30am. Insomniacs loooove 3:30am.

Optimistic that I'll meet my health goals for the year. I feel positive about this for the first time in a long time. And I'm not just saying that so this doesn't turn into a Bitch List.

Fortunate. I feel this way most days. And most days I have to remind myself.

Prosperous. Just puttin' it out there.

AND excited because Kris Carr is going to be on Oprah today (with my Current Very Favorite Person, Dr. Mehmet Oz). Kris's book was the first to come out under the Skirt! Books imprint (mine is the last one in 2007) and I'll ride those publicity coattails quite happily. Besides that, she's just an amazing person and has touched a lot of lives with her film and book. Today. 4 o'clock. Be there or be square.

Questions that have no answers...

How is it that my DSL can be on the fritz for two days straight, but two minutes after I finally break down and call Earthlink's help line in Pakistan it starts working again before I can even explain the problem? Is it magic? Is it a sign from the Universe that I need to switch to high-speed cable because my slow-ass DSL pisses me off at least once a week?

Why can't Britney Spears stay home for more than five minutes? I can hole up all weekend and I don't have her kind of cash. Certainly she can afford to send people out for what she needs and spend some time indoors and out of the flashbulbs. Why doesn't she do it?

Why do I care whether or not Britney stays home?

Why would I spend two hours at the Friends of the Library book sale and leave with 14 books (for just $8!) when I have a stack of unread books on my nightstand that is competing with the height of my table lamp?

Why can't I think of a good idea for a web site (hello, mediabistro...hello, youtube) and make 23 million or 1.65 billion dollars?

What makes my heart happy...

This week:
* I'm going to be on vacation after today for a whole week and plan on at least three of those days being without email, cell phone, or any connection to the outside world. It's not a cool trip to Alaska or anything, just a bid to get my creative mojo working again.
* The Heroes premiere is tonight. Yes, I am all geeked out about a television show.
* I have a giant stack of books to take with me, including The Mistress’s Daughter by A.M. Homes, There’s A Slight Chance I Might Be Going To Hell by Laurie Notaro, Varieties of Disturbance: Stories by Lydia Davis, and The Collected Stories of Amy Hempel. And if I run out of books before vacation is over, Sabrina let me borrow The Last Days of Dead Celebrities by Mitchell Fink (morbidly fascinating, I know, but I can't help it).
* Girls' weekend in Savannah. Three girls, four days, you fill in the rest.